//||Just A Book||\\

BYE!

2009-11-15T18:47:00.001+08:00

moving to somewhere else. find it if you can =P

pockets of thoughts.

2009-09-14T22:10:00.003+08:00

(1)
Elaine is flying to London tommorrow to study Linguistics for three years. Heh! Can u imagine? She is going to study in the country where English originates. She is not going there to study physics, she is going there to study linguitics! I am really really impressed! Hope that she would be able to adapt to the new environment there and yep, come back be a great teacher.
I wonder when would it be my turn to go overseas to see the world.

(2)
I just kept thinking that i am very free but actually i am not! For the past few months, i have been accepting 'jobs / tasks' from people cos i kept thinking that i am very free (especially at night), but i sat down today after work to plan out my schedule, i realise that i am not so packed with so much committments. Tuition, church stuff, piano etc. I really must spend my these two years really well. Make my two years count (and not let my brain rot)!

(3)
My blog is going to celebrate 200th post (and 3 years anniversary). Currently now preparing for the launch of a series of stuff to commerate that. Heh... sounds like something big but its just another excuse for me to try new stuff lah. =P
I am getting a profession to help me so haha..stay tune! =)

2009-09-06T22:04:00.001+08:00

Was packing my stuff and found this poem in Fishers Magazine. A timely reminder for me.

YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW

If life were a garden. We'd only want seeds
That reproduce nicely Without any weeds.
We'd pick them and plant them With infinite care,
Because what we planted Is what would grow there.
Paul planted the gospel, Apollos helped out,
And God gave the increase Beyond any doubt;
But justice demands, And God wants us to know,
Whatever we're doing, We'll reap what we sow
So if you've been planting Corruptible seed,
Just lift up your eyes And look at the need.
The harvest is great, And the labourers few;
And if you're a Christian, God's counting on you.
And when you are tempted To turn from your plough,
Just think where you came from, And where you are now.
Recall what you planted Along the broad road,
And what it cost Jesus To reap what you sowed.
And if you're not saved, Christ is waiting for you;
He suffered and died For the sins you would do
But if you neglect A salvation so vast,
There's nothing else left But to harvest your past.

无奈

2009-08-15T22:36:00.007+08:00

无奈

i hate this feeling the most.

2009-08-09T23:18:00.003+08:00

like i would never expect myself doing such silly things when everyone else is celebrating singapore's bday. haha! but i love doing those stuff. another memorable night. haha! i shall try explaining so that at least i could still laugh to myself when i read this in a few yrs from now. today we went xinquan's house because our parents had some gathering (or maybe meeting). it started off quite bo liao cos we got nothing to do, watched kung fu which its a pretty lame and no-funny show (according to lz even though everyone else laughed). haha! then we went down for dinner and according to 'plan' we should go back to watch national day parade and be patriotic for once, but sw was just too excited about the playground and we walked there after out dinner. started off with spiderweb and everyone (except for the ladies) tried climbing it. gah! i feel old and fat! just couldnt go higher cos i got stuck in between (super unglam) while the rest (who are either slimmer or smaller size than me) did! gah! i WILL conquer that spiderweb one fine day and touch that leaf on top.

then we played the usual stuff playground stuff until when we reach the fitness corner (the senior citizen version). aiyah, the first stupid thing we did is really hard to describe. its basically like the machine below, just that its a plastic version and old-people-friendly kind.

and obviously only ONE person can be using that machine at one time. but xq shared with us something which he did last time - two person on the machine. okay, this is hard to explain. but just imagine one on the left of the machine and the other on the right. so we tried and xq was moving the handle. and basically we are like swinging on that thing (because its rotation such that we go up and down and front and back). okay, lousy description but never mind. we played this silly game for dont noe how long and we just kept laughing and screaming and sweating like dont noe what. then we got tired and decided to take a break.

and at the pt of time, sw found out that the spotlight could cast a shadow via the spot i was standing when i was taking a break on the wall at that building. so we played shadow. and yes, the most childish game i have ever played. but it was just super funny (and a lil spastic). haha! who cares! we played as if we have never see shadow before until we all just got SO tired laughing and we went up to watching sg idol.

okay, i really should sleep now. tmr will be a long day for me! looking forward to tmr and woohoo! i love singapore (with an American accent!) hurhurhur!

Press On!

2009-08-08T21:42:00.004+08:00

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:12-15

I ran to meet Him when I heard His call -
The Savior's arms were open to receive;
And I'm still running since I gave my all,
Inviting others also to believe.

mute

2009-08-02T21:43:00.003+08:00

again, i regret what i have said. chengxi, can you just wake up?! can you stop being such a idiot?! just stop talking! just simple shut up! just too late to regret. you see, you cant stop what people think of what you have said, but you can stop talking. being a really chatty, its such a hard lesson to learn. to speak what i think. is something which i believe in previously. as i grew up, i start to learn to only say certain stuff to certain people only (or rather people that i trust). but now, i realise that people that i trust might not noe me well enough as well. they too are humans and i must know that they have their own weaknesses as well. it is utterly unfair for them if i expect them to understand how i feel etc.

i just hope that i wont return back to the really dark days.

哑巴

confused?

2009-08-01T22:08:00.004+08:00

im not sure why i am feeling so down. it's sunday tmr! shouldnt me be feeling happy that i can go church tmr. sometimes i wonder what does it mean to obey? yes. i noe that God would cause all things to work together for good to those people who love Him. but i dont see what is good for me at this moment. its really frustrating every week. i dont noe why? am i being subjective towards the whole matter?

i have no idea what to type. just kept typing and delete what i have just typed. here again... the thought of me being a mute came in again. you noe what, i previously thought tat by pouring my hearts out to someone will make me feel better. but as i grew up, i realise that this is so not true. you would realise that people might not understand what you just said, and you regret what you have just said. and you would slowly start to doubt how the person would react and what he/she would think of you after you had said. why? have been thinking of all these stuff for the past week. its really a burden to me. hopefully after typing all these, i would feel better. its okay if you dont understand what the following rubbish is talking about.

人的关系实在是太微妙了。有时你又怕说了一些话会伤害到对方，但你又知道如果不说对双方都没有好处。我再想，如果大家都能够以事论事，大家都能够懂得怎样有智慧的说话，不会伤害到对方，那该多好。正在说的就是我自己。

“以事论事”- 人总是有软弱的，你不可能要求我不要带着有色眼镜来看人。同样的，如果要一个人听了这番话，虽然是为了他好，但人始终还是人，不肯能理性到只会想怎样去改变自己。

“智慧的说话”-这是我梦寐以求的事。说的每一句话都能够造就人。就如我一位朋友所说，我说话这么直接，并不是处理这件事情的最佳人选。虽然我非常同意他所说的，但我不甘心，为什么偏偏就是我不可以。无奈。所以我已经决定，在写完了我这番的心里话，我就不再想，不再去管，反正我都什么都做不了。

我真的已经尝试了半年，用了半年的时间去从不同的角度去看，去学习体谅。但我觉得这样做只是在欺骗自己。为什么不要直接的说？为什么不要大家坐下来，研究怎样一起来解决这个问题？顺服这功课真难学。

May He Find Me Faithful

2009-06-20T22:33:00.004+08:00

Who is this that darkens my counsel
with words without knowledge?

Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you, and you shall answer me.

"Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.

Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?

On what were its footings set,
or who laid its cornerstone-

while the morning stars sang together
and all the angels shouted for joy?

"Who shut up the sea behind doors
when it burst forth from the womb,

When I made the clouds its garment
and wrapped it in thick darkness,

When I fixed limits for it
and set its doors and bars in place,

When I said, 'This far you may come and no farther;
here is where your proud waves halt'?

"Have you ever given orders to the morning,
or shown the dawn its place,

that it might take the earth by the edges
and shake the wicked out of it?

The earth takes shape like clay under a seal;
its features stand out like those of a garment.

Was reading the Book of Job for the past few weeks and when i got to this part today, i just simply stopped here. I think Job was just stunned when he was posed with these questions. The list of questions, by the way, continued until the end of the next chapter. Who is the one that controlled everything in our everyday life? It's because of grace that i am sitting here to type this. It's because of His love and tolerance, I am not thrown into the fire. Sometimes i dont understand why people are just so stubborn, they just find all the excuses in the world to not accept the fact that He exists. But come to think of it, i might be like them too. I accept that He exist but this fact was not displayed in my life, nor in my actions.

While i was reading this today, i was just bewildered by the things mentioned. Where am I when God laid the foundation of the Earth? Where am I when He started the whole creation by saying 'Let there be light'? There are so many things that can be explained by science but who created science? Who created those laws? That's why i chose science. I want to know more about His creation. How it all started? And maybe, how will it all end?

I never appreciate this following hymn when it was taught to me during youth camp last year until just last saturday during yf. Here are the questions that was posted during the session which i feel, it was really good and it's Him who gave us the 'inspiration' to come up with these questions.

(1) How has your quiet time been for the past six months?

(2) What are the things/people/activities that stood between you and God?

(3) Name the three sins that have 'entangled' you. How have you fared in trying to overcome these sins?

(4) Is He the Lord and master of your life?

These questions (especially the last question) struck me hard on the face. From the answers in q1 to 3, its obvious that my answer in q4 was no, and i am simply ashamed.
May the Lord find me faithful. May His words be our banner held high.

MAY THE LORD FIND US FAITHFUL
God has not given us the spirit of fear,
But has given us the strength to obey.
With power and sound mind, with love the unfailing kind,
Oh, be not ashamed of His way.

No man that seeketh after things of this life,
Is a soldier, who passes the test.
Be faithful, be working, be running, be serving,
Be searching His word for His best.

Living or dying may honor be Thine.
From this wretched life, You loved and forgave.
A life that is on fire, be only our heart's desire,
Be faithful from now to the grave.

[Chorus]
May the Lord find us faithful,
May His word be our banner held high.
May the Lord find us faithful,
Everyday though we live though we die.

happiness

2009-05-22T18:05:00.005+08:00

Happiness is a state of mind or feeling such as contentment, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy. Philosophers and religious thinkers have often defined happiness in terms of living a good life, or flourishing, rather than simply as an emotion. Happiness in this older sense was used to translate the Greek Eudaimonia, and is still used in virtue ethics. In everyday speech today, however, terms such as well-being or quality of life are usually used to signify the classical meaning, and happiness is reserved for the felt experience or experiences that philosophers historically called pleasure.

realise that work would really drain you (both physically and your precious time) even though ive gotta admit that i am one lucky brat who can go home every night and have some time to do my own stuff. sometimes im so busy with work or church stuff, i just take some things for granted so easily such as happiness. so yes, i should just list down stuff which i do find happiness in it - maybe even some small stuff. i think its going to be super random!

(1) Watching tv with my family and critize the plot or artists.
(2) Taking aaron's car home - sleeping or talk crap or kajiao or wateva
(3) Having to eat beard papa cream puff and apple strudel
(4) Hong Kong Drama!
(5) Seeing lil kids playing and saying/doing funny stuff
(6) Singing songs and listening music
(7) Eating macchicken and/or fries when i go home from work
(8) Playing brainless games like UGLY-UGLY!!!
(9) Watching brainless videos like this one:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvOMQpMy9LI&feature=related [im sorry but i can just kept laughing because of this stupid video... i dont think a lot of ppl find it funny but i do!] but i would really wanna hear someone sing like that... hey, its not easy to sing offtune de.
(10) Eating sushi with he and lc
(11) Having to go Stanley (@hongkong) again! My dreamland!
(12) sleeping
(13) watch tv and eat my mint with choco chips ice-cream
(14) msn-ing with ppl till the wee hours
(15) Safe in the arms of Jesus

there should be even more but im like squeezing out every possible pts i can think of. crap! but 15 is also a lot right! at least i can think of 15. =)

MySpace Music Playlist at MixPod.com

>.<

2009-05-19T21:39:00.005+08:00

有时候真希望能够狠狠地骂，但没机会，也不想浪费我的力气。不晓得忍太多会不会造成内伤？

so many things!

2009-05-14T20:42:00.005+08:00

There are just so many things I need to blog about and now should be time for me to lay down my thoughts. Three things – shall just spend some time typing everything out.

1 The Singapore Youth Festival
Finally it is over! And the results are out. Yes! I am quite happy with the harmoc band results even though it was a little funny. All the harmonica bands in Singapore get silver. Well, on one hand, I was happy that our band sustained a silver award, but on the other hand, I think it is quite an insult to many performers especially those who worked really hard. If I am one of the member, I would be like ‘Why do I need to practice so hard since the results would be the same?’ Anyway, I am sure they did put in their best effort cos I saw their final rehearsal (video version) and I think they sound really nice (or rather much better than the time I went back and listen).

And I realize Fuhua did quite well for SYF this year. Yep, time to be proud of my school, here are the results I know.

Gold with Honours: Chinese Dance
Gold: Choir, Malay Dance, Chinese Orchestra
Silver: Chinese Drama, Drama, Band

I remember just the previous SYF, Fuhua choir got Certificate of Participation (which I was like super pathetic) and within two years – Gold! And this result is the same as Catholic High and RI leh. And this time I don’t think our school got Bronze. Not bad! =D

AJ did well too (and much better than the previous SYF). Congrats!

Gold with Honours: Choir, Chinese Orchestra, Band, International Dance
Silver: Harmonica, Chinese Dance, Chinese Drama, Malay Dance, Indian Dance
Bronze: Guitar

2 The Gathering
This idea started with jiaying – to celebrate phls’ bday. Even though the preparation was quite rush (cos I forgot to order lunch until the previous day), but I think everyone enjoyed themselves. Especially the apple strudel, I think we made the right decision and kudos to hong en. Talked from crap to crap and we just laughed. Back to the good old time. Waiting for photos to come! And we should have another gathering – maybe a Settler’s Café (did I get the spelling correct?)

3 The Correct Things to Say
How should I start? I was quite agitated about some really minor stuff that one of my colleagues had said to me. And I said some stuff which I think are quite rude and unfair. PMS?! I really got no idea. And worse still, after he left, I continue reading my book about glorifying Him?!?!!?!?!? Crap lah! I feel super bad about it when on one hand, I know that I am supposed to glorify Him in whatever I do but on the other hand, I am saying / doing stuff that hurt the people around me.

This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.

~James 1: 19 – 20

快快的听，慢慢的说，慢慢的动怒
It is so hard to be slow to anger especially for people like me who like to say what I think. It might sound like an excuse but seriously, it is really not easy =\

Found this nice music at Lois’ blog. For those who could hear it, the music is purely made by piano and cello and they both fuse so nicely. Well, many of us might have heard Love Story b4 but i am sure this could be one of the better arrangement. Enjoy! =D

wateva...

2009-05-08T21:59:00.002+08:00

kids! (part 2)

2009-05-04T21:17:00.006+08:00

i think i need a dose of such music everyday. when i was hearing this song, i remember myself playing with some kids yesterday. hmm... if i am not wrong, they are like p1 and p2. and they are so adorable. even though kor kor sounds old but, haha, i just love hearing them calling me that. their smile are so real and so pure - they just sweeten your heart. well, i noe that kids can be just as irritating as any other thing especially when they cry or they start whining. but at least they show their emotions - they never hide. erm... they do hide but adults (who are supposed to be smarter than them) could see through their lil tricks.

they are so easily satisfied. just a small hug and a simple praise would make them happy. and they would just keep doing the same thing again and again so that you could pay attention to them and praise them even more. better still if you give them a sweet, they would be even more desperate. haha! [i cant help smiling when i am typing this]

baby too! esp those chubby ones then got some saliva oozing out of their small mouth. i just like touching their small hands and feet - they are just so cute. for some reasons, a lot of ppl (including me) just love to try all sorts of method to make them laugh. after trying so many diff methods, finally when u make them laugh, you would feel that kind of satisfaction and so happy when u see them smile. ah! pik-a-boo! they sure laugh de.

after yesterday's interaction, i decide to fight for ONE day of leave (at least) to go down to help out in the children's camp in june. i wanna go crazy with them! i wanna turn the world upside down with them! i wanna scream during outing with them! =D chengxi is going crazy! gah! i dont wanna grow up!

kids!

2009-05-02T21:41:00.004+08:00

went to celebrate j's bday yesterday and thanks to p for inviting. and guess what? we went macdonald to celebrate bday. haha... i never went attend bday party in macdonald b4 (haha... so sad right) so its like the first time. okay, that is not the main point yet. all of us who attended the party are like 20+ years old so can u imagine, i am like the third youngest there. AND AND AND... we are asked to sit on small lil chairs and play kids game like haha musical chairs. we even have to line up in a row, put our hands on the shoulder of the person in front of us, and march like this to the toilet. haha! so malu lah... i was like telling john that if my friend(s) were to see me here, i will quickly have to find a hole to hide. but aiyah, luckily dont have. i did enjoy myself cos its quite funny since can see everyone trying to be a kid.

i pity the facilitator cos they tried so hard to make the whole thing work but most of us were like... erm... for example when the music stops during the game of musical chairs, we are SUPPOSED to be enthu and quickly grab a seat. but no one did, we were like 'oh...' then most of us didnt try our best to fight for one. haha... and after a few rounds, some of us decide to be courteous to give up the seats to others. yep... so the whole thing was quite funny.

anyway if p were to read this, haha... thanks for inviting and yes... its quite a fresh thing for me since this guy over here who dont have a childhood in mac finally had a bday party in mac and yea... the surprise for j was really successful. congrats! =)

and yes, i was browsing my pics and happen to see this lame picture. haha! cant rmb dont noe how many yrs ago hongen drew this and it became a classic piece of art. oh yes, he drew this at sunday sch hall then lingcong, jiaying and me saw, then we just 狂笑. haha! wat fond memories. and to be really frank, i still cant get over it. cos its really funny.

now looking forward to may 10.

=)

2009-04-30T22:42:00.011+08:00

this is going to be another good break for me. no need to go work tmr =) yea! i need a break man! well, i am looking forward to tmr's programme. haha! secret! so cannot type here. haha... those ppl involved in noe what i mean (ginz!). have been exceptionally tired this week. for some reason, have been thinking of a lot of stuff and at the same time, not feeling very well. im not sure but i think i did have a lil mood swing throughout the entire week.

i remember watching a hk drama and have been thinking of one of some of the very famous quotes. as i grow older, i feel that i am slowly understanding what these mean.

本宫不选择这条路（逃离皇宫）并不是不愿意，只是没这个本事。
本宫由十六岁开始入宫，一直十多年，只学会一种求生的技能，就是谋算人心。
你们以为我到了外头还能够平平安安的过日子吗？
紫禁城就是本宫的家，也是我钮钴禄如玥的坟墓。

所谓“防人之心不可无”，你可能对某个人一点私心都没有，但你却不能够担保那个人不会对你有任何诡诈的思想。有时真的觉得很累，因为自己所说的每一句话，做的每一个决定，都要想得很清楚。真希望能够回到像小孩子一样，做错事或说错话是，别人都会觉得你还没长大。也多么渴望有那种单纯的心，不怀疑别人。
好像做会自己。或许真正的我也早已经失去了。

不是爱风尘，似被前缘误。
花落花开自有时，总赖东君主。
去也终须去，住也如何住！
若得山花插满头，莫问奴归处。

Praise Him!

2009-04-19T21:50:00.010+08:00

He knew that I need this song and He gave it to me. Feel much better and more comforted. I rmbed blogging about this song after english teens-youth camp last year. I shall blog about this song again since this song has helped me again. Other than the fact that I really love this tune (this song made me feel like joining choir... haha!), the lyrics make so much sense. It is as if He is talking to me through this song - how much time He had on me even way before I was born. I feel so fortunate that He has chosen me and lead me all the way. When I 'chose to go astray', He did not forsake me and He 'led me back into the way'. Thank you!

EVERLASTING LOVE
Before the stars were in the sky
Before the earth was ever framed
Long before time had begun
I knew your name

I had a plan for who you'd be
I would create you for My glory
You would be precious in My sight
You would be Mine

I have loved you with a everlasting love
Before you knew My name I sought you
I have bought you with My blood
Throughout the centuries
Through all of history
and through eternity above
I will love you with an everlasting love

There was a time you would not listen
and you chose to go astray
as your Father, as your Shepherd
I led you back into the way

When the storms are fierce I held you
in the shelter of My heart
I have kept you from all evil and all harm
For neither heights nor depths nor angels

Nor things present nor thing to come
Could ever separate
Nothing can take away
My everlasting love

what if...

2009-04-17T23:23:00.002+08:00

what would you do if you are given another chance to rewrite your history? would you even dare to walk back the steps that you had gone through? what if... are dreams merely lies or a source of comfort?

天下憾事，往往离不开去感叹“如果”这两个字。
曾经何时没曾想过“如果”的事情可以成真？
曾经希望上天能够天公造美，一切给我从头来过。
只可惜，在我们眼前的一切只不过是一场恶梦，说醒来就醒来。
反而在我们心目中一再的“如果”，已成为痴人说梦。
所以我宁愿不睡觉，也不想再去寻梦去欺骗自己。

april 09 hongkong trip (detailed + no photo version)

2009-04-17T22:58:00.003+08:00

[pls ignore all the terrible and horrible grammatical and spelling wateva not. wrote this in a rush in hongkong and currently dont bother editing it anymore. haha... enjoy my poorly written essay.]

DAY 1 (030409)
My vacation started when I checked in at Changi Airport and stepped into the transit hall. It is quite comfortable inside and there is really quite a lot of place to shop and nice food there too. Spend about 2 hours walking around and had some tea with my dad and Delifrance. Then, at 1715, we stepped into the plane – SQ002. Woohoo! Thank God that the journey on the plane was safe and for once, I felt that the journey time was just right for me. Watched some movies on the plane – The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Bolt. Haha! I think I made a fool out of myself on the plane cos Bolt is really quite a funny movie and I just laughed (out loud as usual). The food on the plane is okay (I like the salad) except that the share is obviously too small. Arrived Hong Kong at 2110 and the moment I stepped out of the airport, I realize that I love the weather here. Yes! It is extremely cooling here and obviously much better than Singapore (it is about 20oC here while Singapore is like 30oC). Took a bus to our lil home. I was just too tired to admire the sights and slept through that 1/2 hour journey. Once I reached the house, I just quickly bathe, explore the small lil cozy house and literally knock off on the bed. Lights out!

DAY 2 (040409)
Went to visit my grandmother in the morning, it is really sad to see her bedridden especially when you are reminded that she is like the very active kind of ppl who loves to go around and eat. I kept thinking that would such a thing happen to me – like when I grow old, would I be bedridden. I think I would rather die than to stay lying on the bed and do nothing. Life would be just sian and sian. So I should be grateful that I am young now and healthy to be able to move around and do what I want.
Then we continue our day with shopping. Well, it is quite a sad shopping day because I couldn’t find something which I really like. And I still haven’t decide what to buy for my friends and colleagues cos I realize there isn’t anything unique about hongkong except for food (which obviously I can’t da pao back to Singapore unless u want the nuah version of the food). After which we met my mum’s younger sister (aka my aunt) and had dinner with them. Barbequed goose! You will never find this dish in Singapore. Apparently Singaporeans choose not to eat goose (which is really weird). It’s nice! Taste very different from duck although they look similar. Goose meat is more tender and sweet while duck meat is generally more dry. Then we went to eat dessert. WAH! Super nice! Ate mango pudding and glutinous rice with mango. It’s simply sedap! And my dad and I ended the day with drinking fresh milk from glass bottles. PLEASE! Although it sounds really silly but milk from hongkong are really much fresher than milk you can buy from Singapore. Don’t ask me why. I feel that it taste better. Lights out!

DAY 3 (050409)
Went to church early in the morning with my dad and the sermons are in Cantonese so obviously I don’t really catch any ball. Tried paying attention but maybe really have language (or dialect) barrier, really can’t learn a lot. Other than that, I shan’t elaborate / comment much over here (not very good =P). After which, we went mongkok to do some shopping and manage to buy some stuff for myself. Then we met up with a couple and met their new born baby. She is super cute! Love her eyes! They is really big! Haha… then we went out for dinner and of course, the food the restaurant serves is really delicious. That’s all for today!

DAY 4 (060409)
What a bad day! When I woke up in the morning, mucus from my nose kept flowing like a running tap. Yes! I am sick during holidays. Maybe because of the sudden change in weather and have not been having sleep, my body just couldn’t take and decide to fall sick. Anyway today had dim sum with my dad’s younger brother (aka my uncle). The food is just delicious. We also had some nice beancurd and really delicious taupok. They said that this store has a history of more than 40 years and they tried to conserve the looks of the store. Sedap!
After that, I went back to my house and slept throughout the entire afternoon. Then I didn’t go out after that cos I really need some rest. Okay, it is quite a boring day but it is necessary.

DAY 5 (070409)
Feel much better today. No fever and no running nose! Took a ferry from Kowloon to Hong Kong Island, then took another ferry from Hong Kong Island to Chung Zou長洲, an offshore island found 10km from Hong Kong island. Well, I think it is a really interesting island – no cars, buses, taxis; thus there is no need for roads. Yes! And the only way to get around the island is through bicycles. But the problem is that there are a lot of hilly areas and there are some areas which have really steep slopes, so most people there still prefer to get around by their legs.
We then had really delicious seafood. The main economic activity of the island is fishing so you can now probably imagine how tender and fresh those fishes and prawns that I had. Haha… you will probably never be able to get that kind of taste in Singapore.
We left the island at about 2:45pm and then we went to Central to take trams (or streetcars). My dad said that they are now trying extremely hard to conserve this old way of transportation even though this tram system do create a significant amount of problem.
We traveled all the way to Tai Wo and went shopping (again!). Save me! Why the shopping centre in Hong Kong are all so nice de! Singapore ones are so old! Haha… yes! The Tai Wo shopping centre is like very high class. Not bad, not bad! After which, we went to xing guang da dao at Tsim Sha Tsui to watch the laser show found across the coastal area of the Hong Kong Island. The night view of Hong Kong is really colourful and beautiful. It really makes Hong Kong looks like a very rich and prosperous place.

DAY 6 (080409)
It was a really busy day. Went to a lot of places and saw a totally different side of Hong Kong and I would like to thank my dad’s friend and his entire family for accompanying us the entire day and bring us around Hong Kong and eat some really good food. Haha… they knew that this is one of the main reason why we are going Hong Kong. We went to a Revolving Restaurant at the central area of Hong Kong. As the name suggest, the restaurant will revolves (it moves literally) and you will see the different skyscrapers in Hong Kong. According to my dad’s friend, the restaurant will revolves one round within 66 minutes. Interesting huh? The food there is quite delicious and I simply love their smoked salmon.
We then went Chai Wan, a really unique place in Hong Kong. The place is really beautiful – the beach, the waters, the shophouses designed with a unique European touch and the sun – they mix perfectly there. I can’t help to stop taking lots and lots of picture. As in I always think that Hong Kong is just an urban area with no nice scenic place, but Stanley 赤柱 u changed my view about hk completely. Yes! I found my dream house! I wanna stay in a place like that when I grow up.
My dad’s friend then drives us up to highest point of The Peak. It is so quiet. Just fresh air and really strong wind. I just stood there and closed my eyes. Haven’t been experiencing this kind of silent ever since the end of my A level examinations (haha!). He then drives us to malls found on The Peak and we did some window shopping.
Finally, he drives us down the hill and had dinner with us at a restaurant. Had roasted pigeon. Interesting right? Wow! A tiring yet interesting day.

DAY 7 (090409)
For some reason, I was like super tired when I woke up in the morning, maybe I didn’t get enough hours of deep sleep – too many dreams. So I was basically half awake the whole day. Today went out with my aunt the whole day. Yum Cha with her for lunch at Central and then went into Tun Men via the MTR. Did a little shopping and buy some stuff for mum and some people in sg. Then went to my aunt’s house before we went down for dinner together with my cousin and my uncle. The chicken and the fish are delicious. After which, we went home. Yes! I need sleep!

DAY 8 (100409)
I think I will fall sick when I come back to Singapore. Didn’t do much today because I was a little too tired and need some rest so that I won’t have to take mc when I return Singapore. Had dinner with my relatives from my dad’s side; don’t feel like elaborating about the dinner – all I could say is that I felt quite uncomfortable throughout the dinner and haix… left me thinking about a lot of stuff.

DAY 9 (110409)
Slept all the way until 10am today morning and when I woke up, I realize my dad ‘abandoned’ me to go shopping at Mongkok. Haha… it is good actually, cos I am now pretty sian about the really crowded and smelly Mongkok. I wouldn’t wanna go there anymore unless I need to buy some stuff there. Then dad came back at about 12pm and we went out to Wampao Garden to have our lunch. Did a little last minute shopping and bought some clothes (cheap and nice!). Went back home and my dad took an afternoon nap (yep! He is getting tired!). We then set off again at about 5pm to go visit my grandmother and went to Gun Tong. We had Japanese food and it is DELICIOUS! Okay, let me try and describe how delicious it is. The sashimi is as long as my palm and one slice of it is as thick as my finger. The salmon sashimi is juicy and can u imagine the fats are running in your mouth. The wasabi matched perfectly with the meat and one bite is just more than heavenly. Not to mention the other Japanese dishes – it IS perfect. AND! It is very cheap! Look at the receipt and u will understand (S$1 = HK$5) – do the calculation yourself =)

DAY 10 (120409)
Went church in the morning and I shan’t comment much about it. We then to Lantau Island via the MTR and we did some more shopping unintentionally. Why unintentionally? Well, both my dad and I had realized that we have bought enough stuff for ourselves and we should stop buying. But the problem is when we went to the Tung Chung shopping mall, we realize a lot of branded stalls are having like super huge discount (like nobody’s business). So I bought a jacket for myself – usual price is HK$345, but after discount, it’s HK$149. More than 50% discount. Good lobang right? We then went to hung hum and met up with my dad’s friend and had high tea together. We chit-chat until like 6pm and we met up with my dad’s relatives for dinner at pizza hut and we ate until 9pm. Went home and pack all our stuff in the luggage. The maximum baggage allowance is 20kg per piece AND one of our baggage weighs 30kg (gosh!). eh… so my father is currently trying his best to minimize the weight of the baggage (which I don’t noe how). And haha… probably we don’t have to pay fines for exceeding the maximum baggage weight allowance. =P
Sian… going back Singapore tomorrow. Gotta start stop thinking about playing and eating. Need to get back to reality soon!

DAY 11 (130409)
The most emo part of the trip. Gotta leave hongkong! SIAN! I will miss the weather especially cos singapore is just so hot! Haix...

posting from hongkong

2009-04-11T22:00:00.002+08:00

hello everyone! am i like being missed by anyone? haha... that is the bu yao lian chengxi. all i could say is that i am really enjoying myself in hongkong cos i had a totally different experience and had a fresh perspective about hongkong. realise that hongkong is more than just a buzzling city flooded with people speaking in cantonese and broken pu tong hua and/or english. this time, i didnt go to the famous tourist destination such as Hong Kong Disneyland and Ocean Park, instead, i went to some really nice and quiet place. totally relaxed and havent been feeling so relaxed ever since the mugging period last year.

will be back to Singapore on monday (a gush of sianness around me) and will blog in greater details when i return home and get my camera connected to the pc.

new song! i noe its in some weird language. here is a simple translation.

For pity's sake, my beautiful idol do not tell me that I am ungrateful; unhappy and unfortunate enough has heaven made me, that I am faithful to you, that I languish under your bright gaze. Love knows, the gods know, my heart [knows], and yours knows.

Only make happy the heart of my beautiful [lady], and I will pardon you, love, if my own [heart]is not glad. Her troubles I fear more than my own troubles, because I live more in her than I live in myself.

randomness (2/4/09)

2009-04-02T23:41:00.007+08:00

post 258 (26/03/09)

2009-03-26T22:30:00.003+08:00

obviously something is wrong with blogger these few days. probably they are repairing some errors. hah! so satisfied. it's been some time since i had chocolate mint ice-cream. i feel so comfy now; watching drama and have my fav ice-cream in my mouth. wah! anywayz, i suddenly like these kind of music. its very nice! esp when the lady in this song go all the way to the highest note. something is wrong with me. why suddenly like all the oldies? oh! maybe i am getting old le!

taking 1/2 day leave tmr to settle some uni admission stuff and have to go down aj tmr to get some documents endorsed. so sian, couldnt join the rest to go back aj next wed (sorry guys / ladies! gotta continue to be slave next wed. enjoy urselves then! shall meet up some other days.) i should start writing a list of items / goods i need to buy from hongkong.

just in case u r really curious. its called Ave Maria sang by Rebecca Luker. it sounds very heavenly i think and feel so soothing to my ears. apparantly i gotta noe from someone that this song was from stairways to heaven (korean drama). fine. so tired! gotta sleep le, tmr still have to report early to camp. see ya! and its wkend soon! woohoo! and hongen is coming out tmr. wanna see the newly tanned hongen with all his muscles building up. crap! lingcong not out yet! cannot compare... haha! sounds gross... neh mind!

post 257 (24/03/09)

2009-03-24T21:13:00.003+08:00

yes! next wk going hongkong! i am feeling so excited (seriously!). finally can go out of this island. anyway, as long as i could take a few days break from work, i am quite satisfied le. suddenly i realise working got no sch holidays. i only have 14 days of leave plus public holiday plus wkend to take a break. gah! i miss going to school and my cca. yes! i spend like one paragraph that time talking about how much i miss my cca so i shant repeat again.

like wow! got nothing to type. have been staring in front of my computer for a while to think of wat to blog. arent human ironic? always do or say ironic stuff? since i have nothing to type, then i shouldnt waste my time staring in front of this screen to squeeze out wat to type. ahhheemmm... i realise all of a sudden that i do have lots of thing in my mind but just couldnt type it out. maybe thats why i still love music. maybe tats how music works! i cant explain. music just work wonders! =P

"Ahh...music, a magic far beyond all we do here."
-- Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

miss all my buddies who are now impossible to have ANY communication with me =( hong en now in tekong enjoying (i hope) his bmt... hahaha! lingcong is like in his ocs training and why! confinment 3 wks! sian! means i will alone for quite some time. well, at least i have the uncles to accompany me... muhahahaha! but means prayer meeting i have to be more zi ji to find people to pray with me le! cannot rely on hong en. and i saw rixi today in je station. he looks funny in his army uniform although i didnt tell him. okay, to be exact, i think anyway in that new uniform looks funny. oh crap! i gotta go! if not i will be late for lesson.

one last thing. i really feel for the lyrics in this song. that's what i feel at this moment. this song!

我要的幸福孙燕姿
为爱情付出为活着而忙碌
(Busy! Well, even though i am not working to survive since i still have my parents. Haha... but still, i am busy to fulfill the responsibility of a Singaporean. WOW! Sounds so great hoh! Haha)
为什么而辛苦我仔细纪录
(I've been thinking of that for a really long time. Wat's the point of being so busy? Will all these things have eternal benefits or is it just to satisfy a really short-term needs?)
用我的双眼在梦想里找路
(Dreams. Pursue. Somehow, i realise these two words just never get to link well together)
该问路的时候我不会装酷

我还不清楚怎样的速度
符合这世界变化的脚步
(Sometimes things go and come too fast. Its so hard for me to catch. Everything. Ideology, culture, practices, technology etc.)
生活像等待创作的黏土
幸福我要的幸福渐渐清楚
(haha... these is so true! after so much thinking, i realise i get to know myself more. 幸福 - sounds so abstract yet so true. it may be found in our everyday life. its just whether you just slow down your pace and think.)

This song touched my heart. Really. And hey, this is not an emo song okay! Reflects how many people living in a city thinks. Hahah... social problem in an urban city =P

post 256 (13/03/09)

2009-03-13T22:08:00.002+08:00

apparantly march isnt a blogging season. just hopped around some blogs and i am done within minutes, which is quite weird. havent been reading blogs for some weeks and i was surpised that many people's last post was 5 march? actually, i am one of them too. or probably worse. i didnt blog for exactly a month (my last post was on 13 feb).

so many things have happened for the past one month but i dont wanna type everything again (yes! i did note down somewhere but i am very sure no one will ever have access to it =P). probably the more significant event would be my a level results. yes! ive got to admit that i am very disappointed with my results and now afraid that i might not be able to get into the choice i want even though ive been telling people that it shouldnt be a problem. well, it shouldnt be MUCH of a problem but u never noe. probably i will never be able to apply any scholarship or go for any overseas education. disappointed. its been my dream to go overseas and study for just a few months. even though i can choose to do so, but i will have to fork out money myself (since i have no chance for any scholarship) which is obviously impossible. i am so poor!

anyway, i think i need some time to accept my results. let me repeat - my results are bad. some say that i need to learn to be grateful to Him for wat i get. i cant say i am grateful, but hopefully i am able to say the main reason why He gave me such results. i just need some quiet time in front of Him.

突然间领悟到了一个“简单”的道理 -- 懂得知足也是一种幸福。但我却还没有感受到这种幸福。

my daily dose

2009-02-13T23:30:00.006+08:00

hongkong drama! haha... i will probably spend my two years watching many many many hk dramas! cannot! very bad for my health de but really cannot, it is really really nice leh. how ah? maybe i should lock the computer. currently watching a recent drama 'The Gem of Life' and a really old hk drama 'War and Beauty', both are really nice, so ppl, muz watch! maybe i will stop after i finish watching these two dramas, cos so far didnt see any which are interesting.

this wk is pretty normal lah, just that i lost something really impt. crap! i am a lil angry with myself lah, i just hope that i could settle it asap. next wk shall be the start of the really thing! i am a service medic if i manage to pass my ojt test 2 next tuesday. cant believe that i still need to to 'undergo' test. hah! funny right!

juz wanna share this short poem.

梦见
走在无人的旷野，
视线朦胧，
手上的光亮即将隐去。

我在寂寞的世界
不停地赶路，
不断地告诉自己，
就快到了，
就快到了。

路不断展向前方，
狂风在我耳边呼啸

呼的一声，我突然凌空飞起。

alright, enough of emo stuff. here is the nice drama 'The Gem of Life'. muz watch! can ask me for the link to watch =P

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thPtev1UQ8E

post 254

2009-02-02T22:09:00.002+08:00

tired.
maybe because of work recently, i am physically drained.
sometimes i hope that there is school holidays.
like just a week of no work.
so that i could simply stay at home and stone.

stone.
the best way to keep myself awake sometimes.
isn't it great if i get the chance to stone.
to just let yourself pause though the world around you still keep changing.
i need to sleep.

gasp

2009-01-08T20:11:00.005+08:00

hah! for the first time chengxi is being affected by work. sian lah! havent started work for more than 1 month and i am missing life in school. its so much simpler in school! seriously! hope it wont last for long. probably everything will end by next week. duh... i cant exactly type everything in this public domain. hah! i wouldnt want to kena db because of this but anywayz, i hope everything will be over soon. =\

emo song time! recently find this song really nice! juz wanna share it over here. there are two versions of the song - the actual one and the piano version. haha! i like the piano version cos its more emo and its simpler. more quiet. more space for me to think about stuff. =) apparantly i realise i like to hear lee hom's music even though many criticise that his songs are not really very unique (always copy from the westerners). nevermind lah, i like can le! haha! chengxi's taste isnt that bad de loh =)

so... enjoy! =D

Version 1: The Original One

Version 2: The Piano One

time for a change

2009-01-03T11:59:00.003+08:00

after hours of searching, finally found a decent blogskin! this one! its simple and easy to customise haha! good for people like chengxi who is a idiot about html. the problem with this skin is that the paragraphing for the whole text is just crap lah! the words stack up tgt... yes! i will get someone to fix it.

for some reason i am finding myself a lil weird cos ive not been using my brains for weeks. probably this is wat it meant by feeling lost. its so weird not doing anything now! haha... this is maybe the product that is formed after receiving years of education. was telling some people that i dont feel that we are entering into a new year because my transition in life happens before the new year. and yes talking about my transition, i am still trying to adapt to the new way of life. i count myself lucky cos for the two weeks working, there are like holidays to make me take a break, so that i dont have to chiong all the way for five days working like some kukumalu. and i was late for work yesterday. crap! nearly got punishment, but nian zai i am still undergoing ojt1, they let me go once. haix...

and all the birds are now flying back. happy to see lingzhi and lijing back to singapore! haha... when is it my turn! i also wanna fly!

post 251

2008-12-26T22:24:00.002+08:00

disappointing i have to say! i tot its going to be another nice movie. NO! absolutely not! so disappointing! yes! i am referring to the movie 'The Day The Earth Stood Still'. Watched it on xmas eve with my unit. gah! terrible! no climax! no story! poor acting! lousy animation! one word - crap! at least madagascar II got some jokes and funny parts. this movie got almost nothing. okay fine... it is trying to promote some promote-the-earth idea, but other than that, really cant think of much.

after watching the movie went to lingcong's house and visit him. yep, he is sick! so just accompany that poor guy for the whole afternoon. could see that he is so bored that he played my handphone. haha... borrowed him my phone for the whole day. now he is back to tekong. although he wont be able to read this (obviously) but haha... just hangon! 5 more days to ur next bookout!

obviously i am too bored now and to sian to continue on powerpoint stuff. i need inspiration! gah! i need food! so hungry now! chengxi shall continue to be feilou... haha...

post 250

2008-12-23T22:35:00.002+08:00

today was my first day to report my new unit! chengxi starts working and got $$ de okay even though i think it wont be enough for me.. haha! i somehow find the job quite interesting cos i get to learn new stuff. for your info, im posted to cmpb to be service medic, the place where all the pre-en guys muz go through to decide their pes. muhahahaha! today i learned to do ecg. some technical terms here, ecg is a machine which test ur heartbeat - whether its normal or not. basically i am the one that is in charge of administering the ecg. MEANING! i am putting those clips on ur hands and legs and also some sensors on ur chest. haha! yes! close encounters with half-naked bodies... in short, i feel like a nurse today since such stuff are usually done by nurse.

well... there is much more ive got to learn. i will get to learn to administer other test such as eye test, ent and even doing blood test! haha... i am going to learn to take ppl's blood! i am learning to poke the needle into the person's arm and suck up their blood! i dont noe but i am quite nervous about it. learning it next wk... o.o

tmr my whole entire mcc unit is going to watch movie for FREE! haha! The Day When The Earth Stood Still! Then after that can go home le... yes! that's my job tmr! to watch movie... haha! and lingcong is back! hope he will get well soon.

hello!

2008-12-13T00:52:00.004+08:00

this wk has been really exciting. first was my youth camp and then our sunday sch outing and today went shopping for next wk BIG event. haha... i shant go to the details of wat happened this wk in both the camp and the outing. may cross reference to other blogs to read such as those of great detail like Jiaying's one or a more simplified version likeping pong's one.

btw! this photo is suppose to consist of jiemin and yuexi but they left early and we all like forget to take photo until when we are about to leave. AND i am proud to say that my ss class also consist of zicong, weijie, qiaoen, shuyi and kaixin. =D

i will miss my sunday sch class cos it would be almost impossible to have back the same group of BASICs and same tr in a class. i hope that lao shi could just take us for just one more year. oh well, probably i need to learn to venture out and have interactions with other BASICs and not always be staying very comfortably with just our class ppl. =)

OH! and congrats to zixin for the second time! muahahaha! so happy lah! she got first in a national competition for some CO instrument (eh.. its zhongruan right?). HAH! so proud of u! =D

and i am missing ling chung! i hope he is fine like in army for the first day and dont bore him to death when handling so many paperwork. its my turn next wk. sian! different sch if not at least i could see if he is still in one piece in the camp. i will probably be able to talk to him only like in the following wk. =(

its 1 am and i need to sleep! yawn...

post 248

2008-12-05T00:23:00.002+08:00

it seems so impossible to complete everything by myself.
come on, i am not some professional designer.
neither am i very experienced in such area.
at first i was really stressed even though As are over.
i was afraid that i have no idea wat to put on the cover page.
i have no idea how to come up with a booklet for the camp.
i just told Him that i am suited for this task.
i asked if He has asked the wrong person to do all these.

i forgot something '他的恩典足够我用'.
i have no inspiration, He gave it to me at the very last min.
i have no courage, He gave me BASICs to support me.
i have no experience, He gave me experts to help me.

even though they dont read blogs, but i really wanna say out (or rather type out) all the things i have to say to them. it meant so much to me for the past few days.

kudos to jiayi!
he gave me the idea of creating words using picture.
thanks for his many constructive feedbacks.
thanks for nagging me to sleep even though i chose not to listen >.<

kudos to polo!
i feel so bad smsing or calling him even though i noe he is so busy.
thanks for his encouragement. [i really need it]
thanks for being such a wonderful chairperson. =)

kudos to lingcong!
he keep asking me if i need help.
and he just came down to church to help me when he could have spent his time playing mindsweepers or miniclips.
thanks for accompany me to shop for papers today even though it was raining.
thanks for coming down later to help me staple and fold the booklet.

kudos to jieyu!
thanks for constantly asking if i need help.
thanks for ur encouragement! i need it de! =P
and thanks for chatting with me via msn to make me less bored.

i dont really now care about wat others will say about wat ive done.
ive tried my best.
but i am ready to accept any feedback about the booklet or cards.
Thanks to Him for allowing me to serve Him.

这些都是我的肺腑之言。。。

FIRST TIME

2008-11-30T22:57:00.008+08:00

its the first time today where our sunday school class gather together in an extremely unofficial setting. woohoo! finally! have been bugging phls 3 times this year to come up with this lunch thingy. so happy that today who came for sunday school stayed back and have lunch together and eat the ice cream cake. well, this chengxi here is super unglam today [even though such things often happen when i eat =\] projectile and corn (mixed with chengxi's unique mixture of salivary amylase) coming out of chengxi's mouth elegently and gracefully like a merlion! haha... as for what happen for the other things, i shall just steal the explanationfrom my shi fu's blog which is probably more entertaining and well-elaborated with sufficient evidence (whahaha! no more pw! no more mugging!)! =P

today was really fun :D lunch with PHLS and sunday school class :D HAHA YAY PHLS bought botak jones for us! :D and it was quite an amusing experience, what with projectile motion of corn, and zixin and yuexi breaking their forks (TSKTSK VIOLENT GIRLS! HAHA), and everyone's disgusted (fine, slightly disgusted) faces when they eat the raw broccoli yet PHLS thinks it's really good which led us to talk about the difference in taste buds between moms and teens HAHAH :D ohoh and chans enthusiasm to be enrolled in NS lol!
then we cut the rock hard cake and as usual, lingchung had his disease thing (which i forgot what it was called, ling cong zhi? but that means ling cong's mole what, right? oO) because chans said put the knife/chopper into a bowl of warm water, but lingchung heard put the icecream cake in a bowl of warm water - - SMAAART hahahah! then the cake was super hard! HAHAH only LAO QIAO could break through the chocolate to poke the candles in HAHA and cutting the cake was quite difficult to cut too haha PHLS IS STRONG! then cause we were celebrating 3 people's birthdays (hongypongy, chenxiang and zixin; jiemin wasn't there) singing the birthday song was a bit uhh messy but OH WELL! haha we managed to sing it! :D YAY GO US then we took a class photo and it's with chans hahah. idk it was quite a funny lunch :D hahahah

anywayz, these are the photos! so sian! i should have rmbed to bring a phone. oh! just came back from lc's house! aiyoh! i still cant do that handlocking thingy! gah... muz practice at home... but now my arm feels suan maybe because more pose is still not right! really bad at such things =( this week is going to be very very busy!!!! tmr i am going to paint my study room and tues to sat, i am going to camp in church and finish the camp booklet before the camp! haha.... and i just realise that i have only two weeks to army. haha.... weeeeeeee!

post 246

2008-11-27T10:55:00.008+08:00

你不是真正的快乐

人群中哭着你只想变成透明的颜色
你再也不会梦或痛或心动了
你已经决定了你已经决定了
你静静忍着紧紧把昨天在拳心握着
而回忆越是甜就是越伤人
越是在手心留下密密麻麻深深浅浅的刀割

你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳

这世界笑了于是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则不是你的选择
于是你含着眼泪飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞地走着

你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐
你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左侧却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了
然后才后悔着

你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐
你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左侧却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了

你值得真正的快乐
你应该脱下你穿的保护色
为什么失去了还要被惩罚呢
能不能就让悲伤全部结束在此刻
重新开始活着

I just fall in love with the lyrics, really make me think how real is my laughter (haha). okay... its great to end my exams and could now do wat i really want. but is this really wat i call happiness? probably for the first few days after exams, it might feel very suang cos u could really feel the kind of freedom that you have longed for for the past donkey months, but after these days are gone, u probably start to feel a lil empty.

well, i tried to keep myself super busy so that i dont have to feel empty. yes! really busy! like i said to some, i am catching less sleep than i use to be (able to) before a levels. now... i am sleeping like only 8 hours and when i woke up, i feel that i need more sleep. but i couldnt sleep le. haha, maybe because i m getting excited with the programmes that are lining up today! gah!

have been meeting up with friends since last saturday. its been great to talk to friends whom u havent see for like months! haha... a lil sad when we say goodbye. sometimes i wish we had more time to talk from crap to crap but really cannot lah. yes! and i start to feel sian about my early army enlistment date. if its january then i could go out more with my friends. but now im left with next wk since the following wk is camp. but i will be so busy next wk cos i havent been start preparing for the camp stuff or watsoeva!

oh! and i havent been packing my room for some reason. i just dont feel like loh! very sian touching back papers and books! i just dont wanna touch at all! but i need to since my parents said that they wanna paint my room. talking about dont feel like... for some reason i just dont feel like smsing and blogging since the day my a levels ended. probably because i feel that there are more impt things for me to attend to so i just dont like smsing and blogging loh... haha... im not sure if i dao anyone but i did... so sorry! i wont anymore! =\ haha... as for blogging, yes, i got some inspiration wat to crap after hearing the song u are (supposed to be) hearing.

我不是真正的快乐...

post 245

2008-11-22T07:56:00.000+08:00

crap! i need inspiration! i need it right NOW!

post 244

2008-11-11T16:58:00.003+08:00

rest! after so many days of mugging i need an afternoon to take a break! WOOHOO! today shall be the one! this is probably the bday present i am giving myself for this year. talking about bday... today's chem paper is a real good present for myself. cos i just realise that my chem is crap! i donot noe how to do the qns and 'kena' tricked by many qns! argh... sian! bang all my hopes now on chem paper 1. haix...

btw, did u see that new picture uploaded on the left. its meant for people (like nicole and zy) who dont noe where my tagboard is. ok... fine... i didnt noe that for some of u, the words are being hidden by the purple. i shall change it some day when i got the time and inspiration. not now! a level! cannot! haha...

and i was said to be murderer! huikiow and esther watch the 溏心风暴II之家好月圆 haha... and now both are having high blood pressure. those who need ur blood pressure to shoot, go watch... its a cure. haha... they still have like 20++ more episodes to finish... WAHAHAH! luckily i finish everything 2 mths ago =P. see lah, ask u to watch earlier dont wanna watch... now then watch... but nevermind... de-stress. i also watching! The Gem of Life aka 珠光宝气... tat one also not bad. but that one like 80 episodes and still being broadcast in hong kong... haha!

post 243

2008-11-09T21:38:00.003+08:00

suddenly feel super bored studying the same thing so i decide to go to forums to check out what's hot in the forums. for some reason, i went to the campus chit-chat and there were hot discussion about the a level paper. HAHAHA! i like the h2 bio forum! everyone is just angry about the paper. ya! unfair! maybe i should quote and unquote from what some people says since they probably could phrase their anger in a more blah way! hah!
No, me and my fellow classmates were not happy because we dedicated a fair amount of time to the major topics. Im from NJ btw, and our teachers postulated those topics as "major", so it may differ from college to college. Ha ha yeah I heard that physics was easy too. ~aiyopama
well, i didnt really notice that... but the bio paper was pretty crap esp the essay... who would do that evolution qn?!??!!?!?
what the heck was a membrane transporter?? and i feel this paper has way too many "suggest" questions... Haiz, think i did badly and my sch didn't emphasise on the haemoglobin in sickle cell anaemia part (it occupies less than 2 pages of stuff on it). But thank God i do read beyond the syllabus so I roughly know what's going on... phew. but this paper was definitely harder than last years. and much more weird. ~hamsterderek
lucky me! we have haemoglobin covered in 2 topics... BUT! the stupid membrane transporter... gah! my A is obviously being transported away by this stupid membrane bound transporter.

alright, then for some reason, the thread turned to physics which obviously i am not interested at all. yes! like wat most people told me - heckcarehowisthisweek...continueandworkhardfortherestoftheweek! CRAP! i muz get over the really bad feeling about all the first 6 papers and work hard for the rest of the 4 papers.

A Level Examination 2008 (The Chengxi Version)
~~H1 General Paper Paper 1 &2~~ (woohoo! its over! no need to care about newspaper le!)
~~H1 Geography~~ (crap! i couldnt finish)
~~H2 Mathematics Paper 1~~ (dont noe how to do some qns)
~~H2 Biology Paper 2~~ (die le...as mentioned above)
~~H2 Chemistry Paper 3~~ (i regret doing q2)
~~H2 Mathematics Paper 2~~ (there goes my only hope for an A grade)
H2 Chemistry Paper 2 (hope its not a killer like last yr)
H2 Chemistry Paper 1 (wah..muz chiong de)
H2 Biology Paper 3 (no idea wat other type of transporter going to come out)
H2 Biology Paper 1 (smell of freedom...)

post 242

2008-10-23T00:43:00.003+08:00

its 0045 and i need to go sch in just a few hours for gp timed practice. somehow i dont noe why am i choosing to go school tmr for a compre timed practice when i know that i will sure screw up de. of all subjects they have gp prep session. gah.... ok, i shall be good and go to sleep once i finish typing everything i need to. its been quite some time since i could empty my brain via my blog... haha... previously really wanted to blog but gah... my fingers are just reluctant to move on the keyboard and my hands just direct me to the mouse and go clicking different webpgs and blogs. so i am now here to blow the dust of.

its so near! somehow i am not like 2 yrs ago during o levels where i am like anticipating the exam. this time, i feel so... wow... so fast... end le lah! it was just as if i adapted the jc system and blast, here comes the real exam! visit A LOT of blogs and everyone is saying that this is the last lap. it is the last one! and i am trying to keep myself concentrated for this very last lap of the race. there is just too lil time for everything and i dont think i could finish everything (like duh!). but like wat my mum says, just study those weak topics can le... haha... yah! that's the only solution now... who calls me to start work until like now.

prelims! haix... i dont noe leh... i am obviously not satisfied with my results. even though mr phang said that my results are good but i dont noe if this is an encouragement or is it that i am really good. for those who know all my results... u should noe that the latter one is impossible. i will just have to take those subjects that i really flop as motivation so that i could chiong for the next 1.5 wks. =)

graduate le! 2 yrs in ajc was just too fast! i havent play enough leh! haha... even though i do critise a lot about this old, earthquake-vulnerable building, but somehow i feel a lil funny when i got to know that i have graduated! 2 yrs of life in ajc was just too busy and too fast for me to pause and think are there anythings i really like about this college. i rmbed i grumbled by the really boring orientation (except for the dancing in the rain part!) then feel so sian when i knew that i was in a class with 4 guys and 21 girls. haha... but it seems like everything turned out fine after 2 yrs!

my class! aiyah... u think life is fun with 21 girls ah... can be quite torturous de loh! HAHAHA! jkjkjk lah! i dont want to be thrown around in the sch later! haha... gotta thank these people ONE-BY-ONE!

agatha: aiyah, you and ur president 远走高飞 lah! haha... thanks for all the silly things u have done which just make me laugh like dont noe what...

felicia, liuqiong, weehan: i shall lump the three of u tgt since u all always tgt (ok, tgt with agatha). thanks for entertaining the two poor souls when we sit in some corner of the class. AND felicia will be maria!

huiwah: gah! i dont noe wat to type leh... OH! please dont throw away ur pencilbox... i need it when i am very stressed up just b4 the a level papers.

huikiow, shermaine: harmokees! aiyah, those things i wanna say all written on that photo lah... go read again and memorise! haha =)

vivian: pls tell us when r u wearing ur wedding gown! HAH!

berlinda: auntie of section 2! haah.... thanks for being such a wonderful treasurer! help this blur math rep save so much so much trouble. and i shall never forget the bimbo purse. even the blk 11 auntie also recognise it lah... haha

xiaoping: i dont noe u de... so funny! when u study u r like super serious, when u go crazy, you are like wah.... haha! i shall rmb all ur funny jokes and unglam moves except for LM! (u should noe wat i am talking about hoh!)

sri, malikka, youying: thanks for helping us to bring so much laughter to miss koh... idk but it seems like u all are like the only few who could make her laugh almost every lesson... hehe! u did ok! i noticed that since the start of this yr!

kavina: thanks for helping my math during tutorial. and yes! dont like gp! somehow u r the first one i noe last yr that likes gp but i noe... u dont like gp now. good! keep up the spirit! =) thanks for all ur timely msges about gp assignments and gp fund$$$$

huiwen: i shant give u any credit about the gp study group thingy since u get the cip hours le... but thanks for ur nagging and nagging about doing gp

joy: u have a lot of names right... joy, joyanne, lixuan... ok lah, only 3 but still a lot lah... haha... btw... when r u all tgt ah?

chen^2: haha... u r just so funny! thanks for being such a wonderful pw mate even though we do fight a lot during pw... haha! jiayou for geog!

zhijun: i dont noe leh, u r just like some small kid like that with a really hearty laughter (HOHOHO!) fine! i only get to know u more this yr since u last time always stick with laixun (did i get the name correct?) yes! u and chen really got some couple look de lah... muz be u all always tgt then evolve until like that (natural selection? artificial selection? mutation?)

liptong and sx: dont noe wat to say leh... just hope that u all will have a decent life and all the best for ur a levels! =P

yuhuai, zi jia, esther ===== nothing to say. just my best friends in ajc! thanks for all ur jokes and the concern u have (ahemm) showered me for the past 2 yrs! aiyoh, if i wanna type everything here... i cannot go for gp prep le... someday later lah... OH! and hope that zj and e will be able to say hi to SDMN and VOL. =)

ALRIGHT! and i shall miss my cca! i cant get over it leh! GAH! maybe i should pick up harmoc when i go nus (IF i can get in!). =P i shall stop here and continue some other days... just in case i dont get to blog until a levels, ALL THE BEST TO ALL THE PEOPLE I NOE TAKING A LEVELS! and happy mugging! =P

不舍得、想念、不习惯

2008-10-12T22:14:00.003+08:00

当你在三楼的少年聚会室红着眼来跟我们说谢谢时，
我的心感觉酸酸的。
当你在三楼的少年聚会室红着眼拥抱我们每一个时，
我真想大声的说我多么不想你离开。
当你在三楼的少年聚会室红着眼离去时，
我好像找个角落流泪。

不舍得、想念、不习惯
我想心情需要好一些时间才能恢复“正常”吧！

天亮了

2008-10-10T22:25:00.001+08:00

既然我还幸运地活著当然要全力以赴去快乐
什麼痛都是很渺小的看太阳不是又升起来了

post 239

2008-09-25T22:01:00.004+08:00

forget about prelims. no matter how well i do or how badly ive scored for any subject, its just prelims. what's more important is the exam that is coming to town in just a few weeks time. and now, i need to pick up myself from whatever happy or sad things that occured during prelims and start my engine running for the acutal thing.

that's the problem with prelims. it just make u feel really lethargic. chanz gotta work hard now! like what jieyu said yesterday 'just take prelim as if you have done another sch paper'. thanks for all the encouragement and i really really appreciate it. will work hard and not anyone of you be worried for me =P jiayou!

this show just ended and its really nice. i watched it via the internet but its still very nice! haha... there are some scenes that is really touching and i somehow cried in front the computer screen... aiyoh, so paiseh! haha =P but u all should watch this show, there is the chinese version so if you are interested to watch u can ask me for the website. its really worth to watch. just in case you still dont noe, its a hongkong show so its supposed to be in canto BUT like i say, got chinese version de... so go watch!

and the theme song is nice! should listen too! haha.... and i like the last episode of this show so i watched it twice le and maybe i should watch it again! =P muz relax de mah! [haha... people play computer games but i watch online shows.. wah!]

prelim --> KO!

2008-09-16T10:20:00.004+08:00

the title of this entry tells it all and i shall not dig up the unhappiness which some sort tortured me for the past one week or so. let's talk about something more interesting (or rather make me feel a lil happy). for some reason, i decided to step out of my comfort zone and agree to go out with my friends for dinner since its after prelim and i just wanna run away from my binded notes and stacks of papers in my house. met with yh and went vivo tgt. ok, the bus journey was somehow longer than i thought - 50 minutes. fine... and we talk all the crap you can think of from trs to what is so good about pw/gp/ki. wateva...

then we went and walk about vivo. wah... its been quite some time since i step foot in vivo. maybe since the time when i went yuexi's house which is like during cny? haha... vivo is still a very big and high class shopping mall. went pageone with yh and obviously he was attracted by the many philo books that were displayed. i wasnt really interested so i decide to walk around the bookstore. and i saw many comics that manipulated the speech bubble to show a particular aspect of how the artist think of human communication. and somehow i am seem to be able to feel for wat the artist is trying to show: We talk too much; we snatch people's conversation; we read too much into what people is trying to say; we live by how people talk; we use words to go where we want to etc... next time if you go pageone, go check out those comics displayed. they are really interesting.

esther found us and brought us to find the rest. and it took us quite some time before we decide where to go and have our dinner. basically the whole group of us are like crowded around the directory and we FINALLY decide to go and eath sushi. for some reason i kind of forgot like the exact name but i think its called sushi teh. i ate soba and finish the leftovers from nic. its nice! especially the soba. ok... i should 'eat slowly and taste the goodness of the noodles' (quote from joy). fine... i ate a lil fast but i can really taste how nice the noodle is.. yep... i dont mind going there and eat since i feel that the price is reasonable.

for some reason i didnt take any photo of the food so ehhe... cannot post =( but i am going there again for sure =P

and i just realised that quite a few people actually 'added' me into my facebook. hehe... yes, i have a facebook account but i dont think i am still ready to accept anyone yet... i shall just find one day and one moment where i start accepting everyone =P [if i just accept that one person, the others will think i am bias. if i accept just one person ==> i need to accept everyone]

i dont noe...

2008-09-13T20:55:00.002+08:00

And can it be that I should gain
An interest in the Saviour's blood?
Died He for me who caused His pain?
For me, who Him to death pursued?
Amazing love! How can it be?
That Thou, my God, should die for me?

Amazing love! How can it be?
That Thou, my God, should die for me?

post 236

2008-09-05T19:41:00.003+08:00

my mind is blank,
my fingers are so reluctant to move another inch.
i feel so tired,
so tired that i just dont wanna open my eyes.
sometimes i really hope that He would close my eyes,
hope that He would give me a good rest.
a rest that makes me forget everything,
let go of everything.
i hope that He could close my eyes,
so that i wouldnt open it up again.

confused...

2008-09-03T22:34:00.002+08:00

this is so funny... its supposed to be holiday and i should have more time to blog but somehow, this holiday is basically spend mugging. wateva! even though i really hate the idea of using holiday to study but i do need the holiday to study so that i could pass my prelims. there is just so much things i wanna write down. quite confused though... haha.... the problem with young people. we are simply just a confused bunch of people who loves creating problems =P

the role of a teacher should not be merely teach and transfer their knowledge to their students, teachers should also set an example to their students. wat more a sunday school teachers! have been quite disturbed by what i have heard recently. i couldnt believe that it came from a teacher! no matter how much you could argue your way through, it is still wrong to say such stuff. not constructive and misleading! i am really puzzled and wonder would you say such stuff to the others who might not be aware that saying such things are wrong. =/

not sure if i am expecting too much from a person but i was thinking how much you desire for the job. knowing the condition at the moment shouldnt you take the initiative and make an appointment? this is more than just responsibility, it is how desire you are for the job. i really admire people like miss ng on what she did for ptm. according to zixin, she flew back to singapore just to attend ptm and let the parents know the condition of their children for the past 6 mths and after ptm, she took her luggage and head straight to the airport. such people might be very demanding (if they are my boss) but i feel that the efficiency and the urgency to get things done quickly and perfectly is something we should learn from. its really difficult for me to say all these to you directly at your face cos you are still older than me and i should give you some respect. yes... maybe i should lower my expectation and just learn to consider the situation of other people.

sometimes we do have a lil shooting here and there in school. but i dont really expect such things happening in church though. one big family! BASICs... we dont call each other brother and sister for nothing. UNLESS! you are not one for us. unless you pretend you are and just enjoy hovering around in church and enjoy the benefits of being called christians when none of what is being potrayed is like what a christian should be. obviously i have no right to condemn anyone about it cos i am not anywhere better. idk.. this is so confusing... how much more funny drama shows must i see in a fellowship like this? i just hope that it wouldnt affect up here. =P

tat's all for now... i shall blog more soon! need to go sleep! i wanna wake up early tmr! =P

cooped in sg =(

2008-08-24T23:51:00.003+08:00

my dad is finally back! so happy... he brought be a lot of stuff (both food and things to use). thank you! yes! he just came back from canada and he took a lot of photos. the one you see on the right is one of the beautiful pictures that he taken. its beautiful there - everything! from the suburbs to the places where the yuppies stay... every building seem so perfect. the scenery there is so beautiful that you dont really need to have a good camera to take such postcard-like photos. how i wish i could follow my dad to canada! that place looks so perfect for me to stay in (for holiday please... i think i am quite a city-person and i dont think i could just stay there for life... its probably too slow for me... haha...) good loh, lijing will be there for a few months and she is probably enjoying the wonderful scenery there. and joe if you manage to read this, then good for you, you can go canada and celebrate her bday! well, i quite miss her... =(

cannot le! i must work hard so that i could get a decent job quickly and fly everywhere in the world from the very developed countries like Italy and Canada to the less developed countries such as those in Africa and Afganistan. sometimes i feel that i should just open my eyes big and see the world. cooping myself in singapore isnt a good thing! hmmm... i should have signed up for OCIP last yr right! chengxi needs to widen his global perspective and not always think how good and great singapore is.

wednesday is my gp prelim exams! gasp... this is really bad! i havent put in much effort for gp this term actually. heh... i will just have to try a lil more for the next two days to do some last minute build up of content.

We often ask God why is it that He chose the Isrealites and not those in China? Why is it that God bless him / her more and not me? Why is that God chose him / her to be able to work for Him more and not me? Often when we know that God is making a selection, we would immediately say that He is bias and unfair. Maybe we should look at it from another perspective, He got all the reason not to even choose anyone of us. We should be happy that He bothers to choose human beings when human beings are always against Him. And when did God never chose me, He chose me even when i was born or when the world was framed. Sometimes I love to complain about God, but is it because I dont know God enough. A true reflection about how well I know this master and this King who has saved me from slavery and brings me to a life of eternity.

寂寞● 孤单

2008-08-21T21:33:00.002+08:00

当决定把自己的心门关起来时，感觉会是怎样的呢？

今天上体育课时，我决定自己一个人坐在一旁。
决定在那一小时沉浸在自己的游乐园里。
虽然那一小时，我并没有做出任何所谓有“建设性”的事情，
但我却好享受－我已好久没有拥有这种的感觉了。
虽然四周围有许多的杂吵声，
但我却觉得心里特别的平静。

那时候。
没有任何人的打扰。
没有任何的压力。

一直以来，可能是我爱说话的个性，
若突然间叫我不说话，不做任何的事情，
我可能会觉得我会实在受不了。
但今天我却领悟了一个道理：
原来寂寞和孤独也是一种享受（很矛盾吧？)

可能生活在都市里，总觉得寂寞和孤单不应该存在。
即使真的觉得生活乏味，也能用许多的方法来麻醉自己。
有时候，我们应该让一点的寂寞和孤单来点缀自己的生活。
把一点的时间留给自己，把一切的一切抛到九霄云外。
享受寂寞。
享受孤单。

Everlasting Love

2008-08-18T18:52:00.001+08:00

it is often a thin line between saying a joke or something that really hurt someones. i dont know how to clearly define this line. i am referring to both ways - what i tell to my friends and what my friends say to me. i am often wondering if i am just over reacting or wat but wat could i do? what is done has been done and is probably too late for anyone to reverse anything. maybe that's how people think of me. i cant imagine the fact that i have to see them everyday until farewell assembly. i cant blame them really cos they dont noe how i feel. i will just have to tolerate then... well, i do have this space where i could breathe though..

alright something more lighter =P

Everlasting Love
Before the stars were in the sky
Before the earth was ever framed
Long before time had begun
I knew your name

I had a plan for who you'd be
I would create you for My glory
You would be precious in My sight
You would be Mine

I have loved you with a everlasting love
Before you knew My name I sought you
I have bought you with My blood
Throughout the centuries
Through all of history
And through eternity above
I will love you with an everlasting love

There was a time you would not listen
And you chose to go astray
As your Father, as your Shepherd
I led you back into the way

When the storms are fierce I held you
In the shelter of My heart
I have kept you from all evil and all harm

For neither heights nor depths nor angels
Nor things present nor thing to come
Could ever separate
Nothing can take away
My everlasting love

Who am I to Him? Like what the speaker says, we are just a merely dust in this universe. If we were to be placed in a mathematical equation in the Lord, we are merely being nothing. But He loved me so much that He chose me way before I knew Him and He had planned to die for me without me knowing until 2000 years later. So what if He loves me so much? Am i doing anything to give back to Him? Even though my effort could be so insignificant, God is also willing to accept. So now i am the determining factor - whether or not i am willing to love Him more and make sacrifices for Him. Sometimes I feel so ashame whenever i think of how much I could have hurt the Lord but yet, He still loves me. Kill myself and glorify Him!

the end of the wk... finally!

2008-08-15T20:35:00.002+08:00

i feel so much relieved now that this week has finally come to an end. although technically speaking the last day of a week is saturday, but to me, friday has always been a day which i look forward too and it is just as if everything has come to an end (finally!) and i could really take a good break. and the unique thing about this week is that 'we are saying goodbye to our old timetable!' yes! finally! we are going to have a shortened timetable from next week onwards. WOOHOO! i can go home everyday at 12:15pm and there is really much lesson per day (at most 3 lessons per day!). even though i am quite disappointed that our school is quite slow at this but at least i have it =)

today was such a significant day for me. the picture below says it all:

watch the match in school with my friends and i really enjoy the atmosphere where we shouted in dismay when singapore lost and cheered when our players caught up with the score and won them! yes! after experiencing 48 years of pathetic olympic medal drought, singapore could finally have a taste of getting another olympic medal this time round! although i am having almost zero hope that singapore would get a GOLD but still, i am proud that we have achieved something (yes! at least a SILVER)! =P

well, its just really soon my prelims are starting and finally i have some thought of how to have a more structure revision for my a levels. i have been thinking lately my target for my a level and i have finally come to a conclusion. but because i really dont want people to pressure me, i shall just keep it to myself for the time being. although i think it is impossible for me to reach, but at least i have hope and probably motivate me to work even harder for a levels.

really hope that i could go back to fuhua during teachers' day. i really miss the teachers and the campus there! and i miss my friends there! =)

its over!

2008-08-09T17:43:00.006+08:00

yes! i cant exactly say that today was a blast but i think it was really not bad. of course, from a perfectionist point of view, i think that there are still great rooms for improvement cos there are many things we actually overlooked. well, if we are given like more time to prepare, then i would be much better. BERT! we are only given like a week to prepare and bearing in mind the fact that phillane and fenghua is working and jiemin and me are like super busy with studies. can you imagine? jiemin and me were in charge of games and we only had 2 meetings (each lasted less than 2 hours - ok, and excluding the first meeting cos we didnt talk about games) and also just two phone calls and probably 10+ msges. and we are done with the planning of the game! WAHAHA! maybe that's why there were so many hiccups during the games. but still, i am impressed cos i got new record! this is the first time i plan a game within a wk with just one meeting, 2 phone calls and 10+ msges and NO DRY RUN and we manage to complete the game. haha... ok, have to thanks the majority of the youths for their cooperation cos they sort of help us do the dry run during the actual game and we start to discover that some things are too simple or too difficult for them to play.
i was so bothered yesterday night and today morning. two person last minute informed me that they cannot make it. the one that 'informed' me yesterday night told me only when i asked him in msn (cos i rmbed that he said that he couldnt confirm) while the latter one informed me just today morning saying that he needs to study 2 mok paper that is coming up like next wk. EXCUSE ME! why dont u just dont tell me at all?!?!? im sorry but i just suan them cos i really dont understand. the one that wanna study mok paper should have informed me like earlier cos its not as if you noe that you got 2 mok papers only like today right? and as for the one who only told me when i asked him, i was just so angry cos you dont even bother to confirm your attendance with me. its quite frustrating and it just start the day of with a really bad note.

well, i have learned a lot from this planning. i am working with a totally new group of people except jiemin and sort of have to adapt to new working style. haha... xinyi is good! she is so efficient lah, can juz finish the flyer within a night! like wat lingzhi always say about her, she is really zai. haha... and fenghua is so xi4 xin1... she pointed out quite a few things about the games and it really helped me a lot. and jiemin is just a game expert (haah... like some games dictionary). thanks ladies! have learnt a lot this time and hope we can work together again! =P
i was a lil sad though while conducting the games. some people just come with very funny remarks. and i am extremely shocked when it is the teachers who are saying such things and of course some youths. as in i am not trying to say that the game we planned has no limitation and i am not being open-minded, but i felt that there is often an easier way to tell the organiser how should they improve. i am extremely disturbed by what kc says... he is really sometimes very irritating. he doesnt use his brains while talking and sometimes wat he say really turns people off. why? is it because of his character? family upbringing? idk but i really hope and pray hard that he could change. he has been hurting so many people but the problem is because he is bic, we 'cant' do anything except to pray for him. =(

a final note! WOOHOO! thank God for the weather! even though the sun was scorching hot and my hands and neck is like burning... but its not raining! idk but at this point of time me writing this posts, the weather outside is quite bad and its like raining anytime from now. heheh... maybe that's the most satisfying thing today! =P

waiting list

2008-08-08T22:04:00.002+08:00

i just realised i didnt update this blog for more than 10 days. so much things have happened for the past few days and so much thoughts have been going through my mind, i really hope that i could type it all out in this blog but i cant (since this blog is opened to public). currently busy with the programme coming up tmr... for some reasons, i have decided to take up this project just before prelims. anyway, its quite a simple one although i feel that we are given a really late notice (yes! we only had 2 formal meetings and we started planning only last saturday). i am praying very hard that the weather tmr will be good and everything will just go fine... haha... dont worry, i am not stressed. i am quite used to such last minute stuff but muz understand i like everything all planned (including all the very minuet details). you can always ask the harmoc exco, i very niao de... haha... i should change hoh... not very gd to be so niao, i will stress the people around me. =) well, i think tmr's game will be quite fun and haha... i very look forward to it tmr =D

for the past one week, i just realised that friendship, to me, is something so impt. for some reason, i realised that i wouldnt want my friends to get hurt or feel sad. so many things have happened for the past few days and i just hope all these will just end. i really dont hope that anyone would get hurt or watsoeva... ppl cheer up! maybe because a level is nearing and everyone is just simply so stressed up, but we can pull through it.

that's all for now... i shall probably post about tmr's yf @ botanic garden... this is going to be exciting. i am really tired... hope that she would me like right now... i wanna sleep!

blogging!

2008-07-27T23:03:00.002+08:00

ever since this month, the frequency of me blogging is decreases drastically. the number of entries just go like once a week (last wk is better... at least there were two). and my posts are getting shorter and shorter (and this will be too!) i really gotta make a really short one cos i need to finish up my due newspaper articles (i die die muz hand in tmr if not angus will skin me alive!). sch last week was generally ok cos there isnt any test - the days just go much faster without any tests. not exactly there isnt any test though. the weekly gp timed practice where we are forced to sit in the terribly equipped lts for 1.5 hours to do a compre. its really tiring ok! i almost fall asleep when i was 3/4 way through the short qns. and also my 2 weekly dose of geog timed practice. my geog tr gave us a surprise by giving us a 16-mark essay to do instead of the usual DRQ. wat the! i sure fail cos i have no argument and evaluation at all. i hope she dont give me a zero cos i think 1/2 of my essays are naq and its incomplete with an extremely floppy conclusion. BERT... i did well for my monday DRQ! WOOHOO! [for the first time i get double digit for drq... i feel so happy lah!]

today is ling cong's birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LINGCONG! e

although i really hope that you could read this but ehhe... u are probably too busy mugging! yes! i still love blogging and i think my life will be like quite dead if i dont blog (you see, i cant play much sports and i dont like gaming cos i really cannot-make-it. my friends see me play some simple games and they almost wanted to snatch the keyboard from me and show me how easy the game is!)

alright, enough of crap and i ought to struggle my way through to finish my gp homework. someone help me! argh....

SPLIT

2008-07-23T19:34:00.002+08:00

currently my head is like splitting, i really wanna sleep now. maybe soon. i must finish four gp articles and my bio essays by tonight. i am really so lethagic. timetable for wednesday is always good. only four lessons and i get to go home early. but today i cant cos i have geog lesson in National Junior College. Yes! Today i just came back from nj from a geog lecture on mass movement. the gd thing is that even though my headache is really really bad but i still could understand like 50% of the lecture. gd job! Well, even though i spend like majority of my time in their new lt, but still, i saw a lot of ppl that i noe - joanna shane (spelling correct?), clarice, cheryl, lingcong. but i still didnt manage to see yong seng (mr yong seng, u should be in the lt5 wat, why werent u there? u take geog right!), elaine and marvin.

i am suddenly very crazy about chinese music. wah... they are so nice! ah... music seems to be one of the places where i could just run away from all my worries.

忙

2008-07-20T01:22:00.001+08:00

不知道为什么突然之间要用自己已经很久没碰的华语来抒发自己的心情。
已经是星期日早上一点二十四分，突然之间要到这里来写下我现在的心情。
课业真的开始忙碌了，也有开始因为大考而开始有一点压力。
但很庆幸在短短的两周内，自己能够掌握了好几个很复杂的理论。
虽然如此，我却还是觉得自己做的不够，一直觉得自己很懒惰。
什么是懒惰？我应该用什么来去衡量自己有多懒惰呢？
我应该和谁一起比较才能知道自己是否是勤劳呢？
有些时候，自己虽然不喜欢停下繁忙的生活步伐，但自己也应该学习停下来想想自己想在所做的到底是为了什么。
若自己迷失了方向，那就真的把一切在日光之下的变得虚空的虚空。
可能这就是人的本性吧！为了生存可以不惜一切的代价来拼！
读书不是为了生存吗？大家都希望自己能够有一张很漂亮的文凭，希望将来能够有一份很稳定又能赚很多钱的工作。
难道我也是想他们吗？
我真希望我不是。我希望自己所做的每一件事情都是为了祂。
空虚。可能就是一种征兆。
该时候起身了！该时候做我应该做的事情了！不要再执迷不悟了！
加油！

=(

2008-07-12T22:10:00.002+08:00

wat a great way to start a weekend! thanks to someone! i shant elaborate in this blog though... if i were to start rumbling here, it's really not very gd. anyway, today yf was pretty interesting. we celebrated birthday! yea, those who are jan to july babies! like almost 80% ended up celebrating there birthdays like today... haha... its so amusing! and the cake its nice! island creamery! i seriously think that its delicious although i have a feeling that its going to be quite ex. due to some reasons, i didnt bring my phone today so i couldnt take pics of the cake but its really nice! =D yesterday had harmoc farewell. for the first time, we had pizzas (yea! a lot a lot of pizzas) and cakes! WOOHOO! i cant say that the new exco did a perfect job but at least its better than our farewell party. its really sad when i say bye to zirui, claire and wenying when the train reached chua chu kang. probably we wont have another chance doing that. i really really miss the time when we all laugh (like crazy) from yio chu kang all the way back home. it really just relieve all my stress! but its all over and i need to face the reality. the farewell party just made me think of wat we have done so much for the past one year and looking back, its really like a wow. as in you will never thought of you being able to come up with all these programmes with your fellow exco.

anyway, i was surfing the web and happen to see this interesting thing on one of the wordpress. its about marketing! although i disagree that one should get married because of money but its still quite funny though.. =D

WHAT IS MARKETING?

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: “ I am very rich. Marry me! “– That’s Direct Marketing

2. You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: ‘ He’s very rich. ‘Marry him.’ - That’s Advertising

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: “Hi, I’m very rich. Marry me” - That’s Telemarketing

4. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: “By the way, I’m rich. Will you Marry Me?” - That’s Public Relations

5. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: “You are very rich! Can you marry me?” - That’s Brand Recognition

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: “I am very rich. Marry me!” She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - That’s Customer Feedback

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: “I am very rich. Marry me!” And she introduces you to her husband. - That’s demand and supply gap

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: “I’m rich. Will you marry me?” and she goes with him - That’s competition eating into your market share

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: “I’m rich, Marry me!” your wife arrives. - That’s restriction for entering new markets

Well, i get to know about marketing after reading these =D

All the best chengxi for ur upcoming common test and mok exams =(

good-bad day

2008-07-05T20:37:00.003+08:00

Your worse days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace.

[edit]
for some reason, i decide to write something here after spending a few hours trying to make a lil change to my blog. idk... i just suddenly feel like changing [even though i havent find a layout which i am really happy about...] today was ok even though i didnt really spend much time studying, but still i chose to went yf. today yf was not bad, at least there are somethings that manage to get into my head. the problem with us is that we know a lot of biblical knowledge but the gap between knowing and applying is often a big big one. it requires so much effort, determination and faith to act out what we all know. even though many might say that this will be a continuous pursuit till we die, but i am not satisfied with this statement. cos this statement just tells me that 'hey, you can just take a break for now since you have more time in the future to pursuit'.

i just dislike the feeling of people giving me a cold-sholder. it really feels so argh... how should i phrase it... well, we cant expect everyone to like you or give an reaction to you but still, it just hurts when you tried waving at someone and that someone just like dao you. i should sleep now and wake up in a few hours time for church. and monday is a holiday! woohoo!
[/edit]

spaced out

2008-07-02T22:56:00.002+08:00

things arent going to way i want to (really!) although you cant expect everything to follow your way but neither would you want everything not to follow what you want them to be.

i am still struggling to crap something out of my gp essays. obviously i am so bad at crapping a gp outline when i know that miss koh wont bother to check thoroughly. well... wat can i do... i shall try and complete as much as i can...

will be getting back bio and chem papers tmr... and getting back geog on friday. my geog tr says that i kept naq-ing and she dont really understand what i write (she even through that i didnt study)... and probably she would wanna meet my parents during ptm and complain how lil effort i have put in in geog (but i really did study for geog!). as for chem... even though i really really hope i could do well, but after the mcq review, i have left with (or close to) 0 confidence in getting a good grade (or probably have problem passing). as for bio... i shant talk about it cos its really a flop and i will cfm be in the darwin group [the darwin group because our results are not gd yet and will evolve in order to survive]

sometimes feel like dangling myself in the mid air. the sense of freedom and no burder on my shoulder - i miss those days.

...

2008-06-30T01:00:00.007+08:00

no idea wat title to put. decide to blog because there is inspiration to do so. i shant talk about my homework or my common test. you reap what you sow. probably i need to put in even more method since i noe i might not be as capable than the others. even though today's sermon was really ridiculous, but luckily everything was well-balanced with the hymn that the elder has led us to sing - Somehow.

Well, im sure many of the yf-ers know this is one of my fav... i realised one of my two fav songs.. In the Garden and Somehow describe about the close relationship between me and Him. maybe just a little sharing which i do feel about it. whenever i feel really down (like at this point of time) and if you were to ask me which verse would really comfort me most, i would have to say

Revelation 21: 4
and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away."

I dont know how you feel when u read this statement. probably to many basics, this is just a sentence talking about life in heaven. but i think its more than that. imagine that you have met with all the troubles and get bullied by people around you, and you feel so discouraged and almost hopeless... you feel so alone and really tired... but when you leave the Earth and meet Him in heaven, imagine Him opening His warm arms and say 'It has been hard on you, my child' and He personally wipe of all your tears and say 'this is all over, and you shall be with me till eternity and no danger shall harm you.' i noe this whole thing sounds very melodramatic but i really get very encouraged when i have such an imagery in my mind... its really comforting and i really hope that i would experience it really soon. this feeling is beyong description and you just know that it would happen one day.

well, the dictionary defined somehow as 'in some way not specified, apparent, or known', yea, probably this is how we feel, it is not something we could see or feel or smell, but somehow you just know this is all so true and you are experiencing it everyday. maybe, that's why this hymn below relates so well to me. [take note of those lines that are in bold, i think they are the climax of the whole hymn]

SOMEHOW
Somehow I know that Christ is mine,
No power can take me out of his care
He holds me with His arm divine,
And in His kingdom I have a share

Somehow His love will never let me go.
Somehow He loves me better than I know.
Somehow some day when life is over.
I'll dwell with Him forever more.

Somehow I hear Him gently call.
Whenever I'm lonely and need a friend.
His mercy lifts me when I fall.
And will support me until the end.

Somehow His love will never let me go.
Somehow He loves me better than I know.
Somehow some day when life is over.
I'll dwell with Him forever more.

I kept smiling and giving thanks while typing that hymn... =)

Well, one main reason why i decide to blog even though it's 1:20am and i am supposed to go to sch in a few hours time, its because of this email by chai. well, these comics really make me wake up for a moment. probably place it here so that next time when i relook at my entries, i would get reminded =)

mid yr common test 08 - day 3

2008-06-25T20:32:00.007+08:00

H1 General Paper [Paper 1 + 2]
H2 Mathematics [Paper 1]
H2 Biology [Paper 2]
H2 Chemistry
H1 Geography
H2 Mathematics [Paper 1]
H2 Biology [Paper 1]
2 more days to go... woohoo!

today was really tiring. imagine u are sitting for two-content subject paper in a day and kept scribbling for six hours and also didnt have enough sleep just last night... wah seh! it was really torturous. i have to admit that the paper isnt extremely difficult. the paper is really do-able and if i dont feel so sleepy, i probably can do de... but seems like i am going to fail. =\ geography and chemistry... i think i am just going to fail these subject. i would have to work harder for my a levels. anywayz, have these photos since last wk while we were mugging in church [argh... i really miss holidays!]

well, chai must have throught of a very long time what to draw beside 'periodic table'

chengxi = giraffe

jiaying = jellyfish

ling cong = mole = 毛痣！

wenqi = wenny the monkey =P

hey, we got mug in church de ok! [in case some of u think we spend most of the time chit-chatting rubbish and drawing animals]

tat's all for now... i probably need a good sleep and chiong tmr! mug hard for bio and math! 2 more days! WWEEEEEE!

mid yr common test 08 - day 1

2008-06-23T19:25:00.003+08:00

H1 General Paper [Paper 1 + 2]
H2 Mathematics [Paper 1]
H2 Biology [Paper 2]
H2 Chemistry
H1 Geography
H2 Mathematics [Paper 1]
H2 Biology [Paper 1]
4 more to go... woohoo!

shant talk about how terrible was today. just three words - doomed to fail. [well, its sort of expected cos i didnt really put in much effort in the preparation...]

i shall be a nerd even while blogging... really nice video! haha... idk but i just kept laughing while watching them... enjoy! =P

It's A Family Thing - Organic Chemistry

Happy Mole Day - Mole Concept

things made simpler! =P

2008-06-21T11:30:00.005+08:00

holidays are offically over and i have obviously wasted this whole hols in doing all the nonsense... how i hope there is another two wks of hols so that i could study a lil more. u'll feel terrible when u see ppl mugging so hard but you arent. not because u dont have the time [hello! one whole month of hols... if i were to mug everyday, i think its going to make a great diff in my grades], but really because of the distractions and no stamina. there is nothing great i have done during this hols so there isnt much to conclude... all the best for my common test this coming monday. i see how bad i will screw in all my papers.

for the first time, i like jay chou's song [no offence but ive been quite anti-jay last time]. idk but i felt that this song is really nice and i love the lyrics. oh! and i found this cute version of 简单爱 in baidu... so cute right. i think kids should be more suitable to sing this song; they are so innocent and their world is much less complex then the grown-ups. how i wish i am a kid and have no worries about the problems that would come tmr :/

简单爱
说不上为什么
我变得很主动
若爱上一个人
什么都会值得去做

我想大声宣布
对你依依不舍
连隔壁邻居都猜到
我现在的感受

河边的风
在吹着头发飘动
牵着你的手
一阵莫名感动

我想带你
回我的外婆家
一起看着日落
一直到我们都睡着

我想就这样牵着
你的手不放开
爱能不能够永远
单纯没有悲哀

我想带你骑单车
我想和你看棒球
想这样没担忧
唱着歌一直走

我想就这样牵着
你的手不放开爱
可不可以简简单单
没有伤害

你靠着我的肩膀
你在我胸口睡著
像这样的生活
我爱你你爱

if the world is so much less complex - just two lovers get together and no others to interfere. wouldnt it be great! haha... know that this isnt a really good illustration but well, i hope to live in such a world where things are so much less complex. you know... i really hate how this world is like [or maybe how i view the world to be like]. it is so not simple!

a simple life - that's what i want.
i desire for a world of tranquility.
no fights and no quarrels and no temptations.
just peace and stress-less life.v i dont wanna grow up!
cos i just wanna be a kid.

loads of frustruation

2008-06-19T16:13:00.009+08:00

i am currently in a really bad mood... so decide to just run away from the crowd and just to hide in my own world and decide to blog. obviously this is not going to be a godly posts so if you find it weird, you may just turn off the music...

its pretty stressful when you know that your friends are studying really hard and as for me, although i did try my best but sadly, my stamina has reached the maximum during this hols. and the 4 days camp has munched up my precious time to catch up with the work which i have problem catching up during the past term. and im feeling really bad now esp when i couldnt do my math qns! yea, math is a pretty weird subject; you will be super happy when u noe how to do those qns but if you dont, you can feel really frustrated. idk why the tr locked the ans and didnt allow us to print those answers. so now i have to come down to the 2nd level just to look through my ans and BLAH most of them are WRONG! argh... the exams are next wk and now i still have problem doing those qns... im going to fail my common test (for sure...) and probably my trs and parents will not be happy with me.
was happy that i came down and do my math qns. i heard its pretty noisy up there. and of course, i need not see a person which simply makes me feel like puking. idk but i just hate people who thinks highly of themselves and love to brag about how gd they are [like so directly!] its really irritating... hello, there are like smarter people out there walking on the streets and you are just nothing compared to their intelligence level, sometimes i just make me laugh at your ignorance towards certain stuff but just not show it out so as not to make u feel terrible. but seeing how bragging makes people like me irks, i was thinking if i do brag about how great i am sometimes. maybe the one gd thing that this person has done for me is to remind me that being proud is something that really irritates people and NEVER EVER be proud cos it just make ppl hate you. nah... i should really learn not to be proud esp when i have an ego person :( i just feel bad when i heard that its noisy up there... but cant do anything cos i really need to computer down here... (not to just blog but also check my ans... hehe)
haha... dont really wanna hear any comments about this post. just read and keep it at the back of your mind or you may choose to throw it away. its a real struggle for me at this moment if i should publish this post. maybe after a few hours of publishing the post, i might save it as a draft. cos this post is pretty sensitive and some might misintepret what is being said and make silly comments.

its just 4 more days to the end of holidays. it is too fast and i have probably wasted all my time in this holidays cos i didnt do something more constructive... [pls! mugging is never constructive. i just simply forget what's ive mugged during the 1st wk of hols]
although i know its not good to grumble
but i just couldnt help it
maybe by typing it all out
i just make me feel better

songs quiz

2008-06-16T19:37:00.003+08:00

Have no idea what to post today so i shall try this quiz from huikiow. I think its going to be very funny and stupid. I shall make it sound logical. =P

RULES:
1. Put Your iTunes, Windows Media Player etc. on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Put your comments in a bracket

If someone says "is this okay?" you say:
只对你有感觉 [maybe i would say this to my gf when i wanna say something to impress her. no! such phrases will only come into my mind in my dreams... i die also wont say such stuff de...]

What do you like in a guy/girl?
A Passion for Thee [wah... yes! the girl must love the Lord first and have a passion to serve and love Him... this is so right!]

How do you feel today?
擦肩而过 [maybe it means to be ignored by someone. nah... ppl notice my presence today cos John came down and study with me]

What is your life's purpose?
遇见 [ehhe... let me think how to link. ah... my purpose in life would be to meet up with good opportunity and make use of them at the right time. also would be to meet up with Him when i leave this world and He praise that i am His loyal servant]

What is your motto?
错爱 [huh? means i would be falling in love with the wrong person throughout my life... wah... that is really sad leh, i dont want!]

What do your friends think of you?
一首简单的歌 [yeah, maybe... they think that i am a simple person and probably i am not a really musically-inclinded person so at most can only come up with a simple song... ahha... which is quite true lah]

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Lydia (by F.I.R) [ah? i have no intention to change sex ok! i am happy with my current state and never will i ever wanna do that! aiyoh, this is getting crappier]

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
情人节 [hey, this is really what i have in that song list ok! aiyoh... i wont jump the gun and think of valentine's day when i see someone i like lah... probably the first thought would be 'Remove this thought right now! So distracting!]

What will you dance to at your wedding?
知足 [maybe lah! when get married then muz treasure your every moment with your life patner mah and muz take care of her]

What will they play at your funeral?
心窝 [ahhhem... this is supposed to be a happy song... shouldnt be played during funeral loh]

What is your hobby/interest?
三个心愿 [yea! i love to make wishes every now and then... at least i could just have some hope and motivate me to continue living with such a draggy life :) ]

What is your biggest fear?
吴克群 [i didnt know he is that scary leh! he is ok lah and obviously i am not scared of him. i like some of this songs; they are catchy and sometimes quite cute. good to hear when you not happy tat time]

What is your biggest secret?
终结孤单 [haha... maybe i am scared of being alone... idk how to link... yeah, this quiz is ending soon!]

What do you think of your friends?
小太阳 [this is so true! my friends are all like little sunshines that brighten up my day! thank you!]

wah... this quiz is quite crappy but have no choice, i am feeling a lil bored mah... need to go le! and so happy today got some many people tagging my blog :) anywayz, those songs are just some of my favs lah, for some reason hoh, all my fav songs never appear leh...

My Prayer

2008-06-15T19:56:00.010+08:00

A PASSION FOR THEE

Early will I seek Thee, my soul thirsteth for Thee, my flesh longeth for Thee - Psalm 63:1

Set my heart, O dear Father, on Thee and Thee only.

Give me a thirst for Thy presence divine.

Lord, keep my focus on loving Thee wholly.

Purge me from earth; turn my heart after Thine

A passion for Thee;

O Lord set a fire in my soul,

and a thirst for my God.

Hear thou my prayer.

Lord, Thy power impart -

Not just to serve,

but to love thee with all of my heart.

Father, fill with Thy spirit,and fit me for service,

Let love for Christ every motive inspire;

Teach me to follow in selfless submission,

Be Thou my joy and my soul's one desire.

A passion for Thee;
O Lord set a fire in my soul,
and a thirst for my God.
Hear thou my prayer.
Lord, Thy power impart -
Not just to serve,
but to love thee with all of my heart.

To those who went for yf camp last year in december? Rmb this beautiful hymn that was taught. i just love this hymn cos its so beautiful and the lyrics just represent how my altitude should be towards the Lord. Probably i have lost the passion for Him esp when i have been so busy about almost everything. I hope that i would always rmb this even when sch reopens! :)

TY Camp 2008 - Camp Summary

2008-06-14T23:04:00.013+08:00

Just came back from camp. Well, if you were to ask me whether the camp is good, I would just frankly that it is ok. It is not extremely good (as compared to camps that really changed me), neither is it really bad because I did learn something out of it. It’s the first time that our church has a combined Queenstown Chinese and English and Geylang Centre, not only that, it is the first time the Chinese Teens and Youth Fellowship come together for a camp. I have to say it’s not easy for the organiser especially when this is the first time, so, good job people!

Lots of things happened during the camp and I really miss blogging! Have so much thoughts in mind but I don’t know where to put them… and now I probably forget le

Day 1
Was asked to stay at meeting room 1A throughout from 9:30am to 12pm to wait for people to come and that’s why I miss the games =( heard that the game was really fun (yea, hong en told me that the moment he saw me) anyway, we took the bus to the campsite which is Prince George Resident Park. Then there was nothing special until when I get into my room. The room is not really big, neither is it really small, it is quite cosy actually. Except for the smell! Aiyoh! The room just stink! Especially the cabinet, like some smelly socks left there for years… argh… and the bed and pillow is hairy de… then I have problem falling asleep because of that actually. Other than that, I think that the place its ok. Btw, its one person per room so it’s a little weird since most camp would require us to share our rooms with a few brothers. It is good since I have sufficient time to really quieten down myself and have really quiet time in front of God. But it gets a little boring and scary (since its one person and it can be quite dead silent) so I often run to shang yang’s room (just next to mine) and kept disturbing him… haha… [anyway, thanks for accompanying me for the past few days]

Then we had the sermons at night, talked about salvation. Then had group time. Our group is like make up of J1 and J2 and the majority are like from Chinese session. OH! One more thing! I just discovered that my first three months classmate Hong Ling is actually also in FCF (Geylang) and she is in my discussion group. The world is so small! Anyway, just happy to get to know a lil more people through this camp!

Sorry! Another round of rumbling! WHY NOT? Idk but I just feel that this answer signal to me that fact that the question you asked is extra de and so i shall answer you with a stupid answer. Am i being sensitive or wat? Another incident which just happened during dinner. shant say who but just this one person made me quite pissed off. Well, my friend didnt bring down his money so i decided to lend him my money. cos that time i had only a 10 bucks so while i was taking out my wallet, i just rumbled some statements like 'rmb to return me the money hoh' and 'oh, i only have a 10 bucks notes.' idk if this statement make me sound as if i dont wanna borrow my money to my friend but another irriating person standing behind my friend just mumbled 'dont be so niao la' obviously he made it loud enough so that my friend and i could hear. Chengxi, forget it la, esp when choose to live up to 'not i but christ'.

Day 2
The second day was really like roller coaster - laughter, sad, loneliness. Maybe i shall elaborate on these mixed feelings in the coming paragraphs.

Laughter - The games are really fun! Even though there can still be room for improvements but still i think its not bad. planning games for over 100 people is really not easy [haha... i know it, rmb last yr's family camp! ahha... can be quite stressful but you will feel very happy when its over and successful]. Two simple games but with more people involved its really diff - 'Dog and Bone' and 'Dodge Ball / Poison Ball'. Kudos to the games comm! :)

Sad - There are two theme msg on a day. A lil heavy though but luckily the morn was ok. Not the night message. i was thinking why the speaker chose to cramp all his main pts in the last theme message. so heavy! argh... it was pretty tiring; ive got to cry and laugh and switch emotions within a short period of time. i laughed because the speaker is really funny. but i cried because i feel so regretful for the things ive been doing for the past one year. and the thing that really make me feel so hurt is that its not the first time i hear the pts that the speaker had said. God has reminded me again and again since sec 4 - to surrender all to Him and to let Him guide my life. but obviously i am not! Rmbed wat was taught during family camp two years ago, the things that we have vowed in front of God, if we didnt follow, God will remind us. It was so real! Ever since the prayer during teens camp when i was in sec 4, God has reminded me in every single camp. This is so real and i am really not yet willing to sacrifice my life to Him.

Loneliness - Im sure that every camp i will have such feelings. Probably i am still not used to it. Wrote this long chunk of words in my handphone since i have no computer.

It's after games! Yeah! I think it was fun. my face was smirked with green paint now. Haha... Currently back into dorm cos its free games and as usual i have nothing to od. its going to be a lie if i say i enjoy and used to be being alone but i dont really have a choice though. But hur, just blame on my leg and my nature of not being a sporty person. probably after my op, i would still choose to stay in my own room during free time cos after much yrs of life without playing ball games. i become so slow when playing games. and among the whole bunch of guys, there is none who doesnt really enjoy sports, so thats why i am sort of always 'left alone'. NO! Its not anyone fault. Its really MY fault for being or choose not to be sport and my fault for 'choosing' to have such illness (haah... since my white blood cells have chosen to attack those bone tissues). Thats why i dont like camps, except for the sermons part. Maybe by having such lonely situation would remind me that i am a special person and different from others. Ok! CHENGXI! WAKE UP! This IS life! So much thoughts running through my brinas now. Its really tiring. Not use to a lot of things, need time to adapt. Suddenly need to be fored to socialise with lots of people and i dont like doing that. Chengxi should grumble so much! :(

Day 3
This is probably one of the happier days! The parents night is really funny! And thanks for Mr Palmer for being Adam! See lots of hidden talent among the teens and youths. Yong Le is funny! He got that kind of acting talent since young actually (i rmbed last time - many many many years ago - he performed as some 'shorty' and my bro as a fierce tr... haah) and the changed modified lyrics from ling cong's dorm of not christ but i. its so obvious its written by lingcong, rixi and yuheng lah. It was as if thats the last night of the camp. After the whole thing ended, all the people started taking pics. haha... it just feel funny.

And of course one of the climax of the entire camp would be the tau-pok session. I've got to emphasise on the word session because its not just a 5-minutes campers-intiated programme but a really long thing. this time, even though its just ONE session, but EIGHT people are being tau-poked and i think the video will be uploaded to youtube. Hong En and me didnt go and watch cos we didnt wanna cramp inside a small room with 25++ people. ahaha... had a talk with hong en for quite some time and chat about how we felt about the camp. ahheem, censor.... but thanks for talking with me lah, although there isnt much conclusion made but did reminded me about somethings =) thanks!

Day 4
Ok, finally! The final day! There isnt much except for the camp summary. Yes, and i represented our group for the summary part. Supposed to be ling cong but for some reason (nah, not the feeling bad part nor is that i-wanna-go-on-stage reason). Just some personal reasons so censor. It was sort of funny cos the lights are quite dim so i had problem reading most of the words [yeah, include those whose handwritings are big]. then we came back to church and woohoo! the camp is over! Bye room M of Blk 2 Level 2 Dorm Left!

Returned to church and sort of have a chit-chat session with the youths. Ahhha... its really funny hearing what some people say about the 'interesting' things that happened during their jc days. aiyoh, i made them sound old but haha... you know wat i mean =) I dont know if that is talk the talk and walk the walkbut i seriously am not purposely trying to tell you off. Just very shocked when he had such reactions. Idk if he is a proud person but on my part maybe i really shouldnt have turned my head and tell you that im not from hcjc. Maybe? Dear Lord, please help me...

Its getting really really late so i shall stop here. Will post my thoughts soon! =)

just one more!

2008-06-10T23:55:00.004+08:00

wont be around till saturday afternoon so haha... dont feel sad are start to get paranoid if u dont see me online for the next few days (aiyah chengxi, stop being so ego... as if there would be ppl who would notice -_-) and also this blog is still in the process of renovating (so as to serve you better). really! i think it was really a hassel to scroll up and down to find my cbox, probably once its ready, you dont have to scroll anywhere, the cbox is just at the right of my entries! BUT the problem is i couldnt get the buttons u see on the right (above the cbox) to work! getting my friend to help so hope that she could fix it :)

talking to mr adrian and remind me that i am a dory fish. if you dont noe wat i am talking about, see this pic:

get wat i mean? no? argh... alright, i shall elaborate! if u watch finding nemo, you should know that this character here suffers 'short term memory' - which means that she would practically forget everything that has just occured. AND thats wat my geog tr says (always!) [evidence (refer to IVLE H1 Geog Announcement): Now for the tougher part: to remember the info for use in exams! Correct application will spell success! ☺ think about how you can store the salient points/info into your dory fishy heads.) but i think thats true, my brains are really like dory fishes cos i practically cant rmb wat ive studied like last wk! argh... then wats the pt of revision! aiyah dont noe lah, i am going to fail my mid yrs anyway :(

oh, please rmb to do something! TAG! idk but i do wanna know that there is ppl reading my blogs (so motivate me to publish more and not just save as draft)

tats all for now and enjoy your holidays :)

blog time!

2008-06-10T00:14:00.004+08:00

woo! finally there's time to blog! i guess i cant live without my blog cos i would probably gone into depression (or even worse) if this blog doesnt exist!

today was great and terrible. i did manae to finish up 1/2 of globalisation today and suppose to finish the other 1/2 of globalisation tmr. i hope i can cos i am going to church and study. i think i could really study in church cos saturday's revision was the worse and that's the day when i stay at home and study. and thanks ling cong for coming down from sch and accompany to study (and i really appreciate you for coming down and study with me since last week). your presence does make a difference cos you just wont make me feel lonely and i will not start thinking of all the emo thoughts. thanks for supporting me [although i dont think you know that your presence does help me :) ]

if i were to decide again, i would probably choose not to go for the camp. i planned my revision schedule thinking that i would be able to cope with it. but i am not! like what john said, i am physically weak and probably i am pinning high hopes on myself. too high and i simple cant reach. and it just make me feel useless. i dont noe but i cant imagine myself studying in uni and competiting with the pros from various jcs when i myself dont even have the stamina to study. i was thinking what i would have done if i didnt go for the camp - 7 days each for a subject. and probably i would be able to cover at least 3/4 of wat would be tested. my parents told me not to ponder too much about it since i have decided, but i am sorry, i really cant help it.

alright, i should sleep le and tmr i shall try my best.

i miss harmoc and the exco.

people tell me to pray about it.
but i seriously have no idea how to pray.
i am not sure if its God's will for me to go for the camp.
because i just dont have the peace within me.
people tell me to try my best.
im not sure if i did cos i am blogging and not sleeping now.
i am really confused and its really distracting me.
but my friend accompanied me while i was studying.
and his presence just reminds me not to think too much and focus on what i should focus on.
thanks brother!

wats up so far for holidays

2008-06-06T23:15:00.004+08:00

for your information, 1/2 of chengxi's holiday is gone! and obviously my studies have not been making much progress. and next week going to be worse! 4 days are gone because of camp. talking about camp, i feel so cheated. i just discovered that we could just go for the camp message and not the entire camp. this is ridiculous! how could they not inform us earlier and kept emphasising the pt that it is compulsory for everyone who attend to be a full-time camper. i dont noe but i just nearly wanted the curse the trs when i heard about it. it took me the whole week to cool down (actually not cooled down yet cos at this pt of time, i feel so angry!) wat can i do now? just go for the camp and waste my time. and i am going to regret for the next few weeks if i am not going to do well for my mid yr. you can say that i became so overwhelmed by worldly stuff... i dont care! im not so smart to start mugging hard a month or two before prelims. i need to start now cos i am really a slow-learner. enough of rambling chengxi, you cant change anything now. its TOO LATE!

again, i have been slacking for the entire night. suppose to finish up my podcast exercise 4 and check my answers tonight but sadly, i didnt! duh... maybe i should compensate this time by not going for the sermons tmr night. should i go? i hate this kind of dilemma. it just make a person's mind go mad! give me a break chengxi! make the decisions quick and dont care about what others think about it.

NO! i must be more determined! finish up my podcast exercise 4. tmr morning shall attend the podcast lecture, afternoon mug weathering and mass movement and night finish up vectors revision exercise worksheet. or maybe i might change my mind :(

i miss harmoc.
i miss working with you guys.
i miss the times we had practice.
i miss the times we had meetings outside dance studio.
i miss the times we had late dinners after our meetings.
i miss the crappy stuff we have thought of.
i miss the gossips that we had.
i miss the jokes we had when we on the train.
i miss the exco.

ALL EXCO MEMBERS ARE TO READ

2008-06-03T23:02:00.004+08:00

[to all excos: i know its really really long but i hope that you could all finish reading this post... thanks!]

hi everyone!

i shall do something extra other than just smsing. the things that i wanna say to you guys are really a lot a lot more! more than just what the number of word limit that my sms could hold. probably this is a more cost effective way but these are really my honest things i wanna say to you guys :) actually wanna write this some other days cos its been quite an emo past few hours ever since 3pm when we stepped out of lt4. wanna bury my feelings within books and chemical compounds. but kudos to angeline for reminding me to read my msges and also kudos to all your msges, i start emoing again :(

it has been a great experience working with you guys. really! and i am sure it has been a terrible experience working with me due to my lots and lots of shortcomings. i rmbed during my p/vp interview when jillian asked me what are the weaknesses that i have and i clearly rmbed me saying that i am not very good working as a group (sound similar to one of the j1 right... haha). looking back for the past one year, i think you guys have changed me. at least i know that there are many things that its impossible for an individual to complete. and i could finally see the impts of working as a group.

for the past few weeks, i have been telling my friends around me that the harmoc exco (yep! you guys!) had been (and will continue be) the best co-workers for my entire 17.5 yrs on Earth. seriously! have been working with lots of people before for various projects in sec sch, church etc. and they are either not very efficient (as compared to you guys, u all are more efficient. really!) nor are they experienced enough (haha... i dont noe, but you all are really smart at thinking, sometimes faster than me) and they are not very humerous(i will rmb all the jokes that you guys have created for each other and for me... they really bring sweet memories!)

really appreciate the support you all have given to this poor secretary who have chased after all of you for your log book and aar and proposals. and thanks for tolerating my really bad temper (yea, i will change for the better) and even sometimes pms (*GRINZ*)

shall conclude my entry with some words for every single one of you:

Shu Qin (aka: pig, miss president): Haix... if you could read this entry, then i am like super happy le! because you are willing to on your computer, know what button to press for internet explorer and how to type my blog address correctly and know how to scroll to this particular line. haha... yea! you have been a great president (not exactly fantastic since you had that 5 secs of lag time) but ahha, you are quite brilliant when you come to serious matters. and if next time, you wanna be a 明日之星, i will ask my friends to support you too! jiayou for a levels and get as much 'A's as possible - do better than zhi hao (cos u can de!)

Hui Ping (aka: elf): i am sure everyone agree that you really look very funny when you are hopping around, looking up and kept screaming so as to get our attention. really look like a little innocent girl. hah! but this innocent girl can be very clear of wat to do everytime and i am really impressed by the fact that you can make decisions for fast. how you do it ah? share some secrets? haha... to be really frank, i didnt have a very gd impression about rv students but probably you are one of the few who convinced me to decide to change my mind. haha... all the best for your a levels and be as pro or even better than our ex-vp! :)

Yong Yuan: i once overheard what miss ng says about you to mdm ng 'when i get to know this guy more ah, i find that he is very humerous' oohhh, does that mean that miss ng is interested in you? (i am not surprised.. haha) anah! you are really really humerous and you can really get the members attention everytime you speak. and during meetings, you will come up with very impressive and unique pointers that would really wow the whole exco. and to be really frank, everytime when u asked for money and i didnt have any money to pay, i feel super super bad, cos you really make yourself like very pitiful then i feel damn damn bad (like i make you life very diff) haha... gd job for the camp and mug hard for bio! jiayou!

Angeline: another 女强人over here. and from you, i really learn something 人不可貌相 cos you really dont look like you know how to suan ppl but your suan-ing skills ah, wah seh! i am impressed! haha... thanks for bringing so much laughter during our journey way home. u are like super calm during the backstage thingy lah while i am like freaking out! haha... really muz learn from the calmness that you have when dealing with problems. okok... i am serious! (index finger pointing to the sky) btw, i didnt notice that until shuqin shared this with us so.. ahhem, so pls blame her. jiayou for your A level and prove to us that a person who is good at arranging chairs and keeping instruments could also do well for studies :)

Ivy: haha... yea! cant agree more that you are very quiet! BUT! with the help of huiping, you have turned bad! haha... kiddin lah! but i think among the whole exco, you changed the most. rmbed the first meeting we had regarding outside the dance studio, you were like super quiet while we kept chattering, then when going home, we were trying to push each other to go say hi to you cos you are so quiet! but now you are like more open and less shy :) hey, we need quiet ppl in a committee de, cant imagine if a committee with 6 ppl who loves to chatter and talk... that would be so noisy! so dont feel bad! hahaha... so jiayou for A levels and happy mugging gp with bell (mahahaaha!!!)

Just one last thing... if you wanna comment, you may do so via this link. dont use the tagboard cos it will eventually be erased. thanks for reading and work hard and make harmoc proud!

i love ajhb and love you guys! will miss you guys! :(

wonderful memories

2008-06-03T21:53:00.002+08:00

not sure if you guys would rmb such wonderful memories. some of the all-time favourites that we have played using our harmonica [somehow or rather, i think tat harmonica would be the only thing that we would kiss most in our entire life]. even though these songs are not being played using harmoc, but they just make me recall the times when we practiced these songs for cca carnivals and concert... woohoo! posted this blog entry cos went to jason's blog and got inspired. i miss harmoc! enjoy! i simply love ajbh! and i love piano! :)

oh, before i forget, these are not really professional pianist. just pretend that u didnt hear the many hiccups that they make... haha :) ENJOY!

蒲公英的约定

恋爱ing
its not very nice at the ending and also they mixed another song with it (cant rmb what is it) but i like the starting part :)

When You Believe

I LOVE THIS ONE! it melted my heart when i was listening it :)

tats all for now! :)

its FRIDAY!

2008-05-30T10:23:00.004+08:00

wahha... woke up at 930 today, still have the lethagic feeling. wanna go swimming this morning but cant cos my nose is still cmi. going to have math tuition later... sian :( havent been doing much math this wk cos wanna finish studying bio. but now my bio also havent study finish. i am in deep trouble. since the start of the holiday, i am quite stress about whether i can pass at least two subjects for mid year. the problem is that a level is coming and i am still struggling to pass my test and not struggling if i could get an A for my subjects. haix...

i miss my photoshop software. well, its gone ever since i send my computer for repair like during the start of the year. and i am quite sick of the background of this blog. hehe... need to lighten it up a bit. but i cant do it without photoshop! ah... :( this is so sad lah and now i have one less thing to play with. last time i can probably spend hours playing in photoshop (yea! photoshop is fun to play if u noe how to use it... really!) anywayz, just very very miss it. hope my dad could get one soon :)

yep yep, these are the three softwares. i hope to get the last one. the one in blue! cs3! hahaha....

got this from Miss Ng some time around this wk! woohoo! harmoc rocks! :)

haha... j1 + j2 last combined photo! yeah! the big family :)

exco + music comm + some other members + miss ng + mdm ng

oxaloacetate convert to citrate with acetyl CoA, citrate is then converted to isocitrate.

2008-05-29T18:44:00.004+08:00

shall be a really short post :)

i almost died studying bio today and i am behind schedule! argh... dead x.x
started the day with stem cells and gene therapy. and i just found out that there are pages of my notes which i never studied before. but its really a lot, i tried to understand the things rather than memorising (cos i simply hate doing so!)
then went on to plant cloning [my weakest topics cos there was no lecture no it]. the last - respiration (and i havent finish studying yet). and i kept saying all the words that i dont even know wat it means. like malant, citrate, alpha ketogruate and blah blah blah... just kept chanting.

i cant imagine myself continue to be in such pitiful state for the rest of the yr

sunday!

2008-05-25T17:06:00.002+08:00

the problem with me is that i always wanna my blog entry with me saying that i am tired. seems like being tired is already part and parcel of my life and it would be pretty wierd if i say i am not tired... haha... chengxi is weird. hey! but i have reason why i am tired ok! i never attended so much meetings (like 4 in a row... non-stop hit). started the day with breaking bread service, then the usual sermons, then sunday sch and finally agm. wahh.... but i think among the four meetings i have attended, three of which i really got reminded (or should i say, He smack some of the stuff right at my face and tell me to wake up!)

(1) 擘饼聚会 [aka - the breaking bread service]
Pastor shared one of the chapter in the book of John which talks about Jesus cooking breakfast for his disciples (ok, this time i wasnt hungry even though he mentioned about food cos my breakfast is really heavy). Its really a wonderful picture. If you really look at the passage carefully, you will see the disciples are probably at a very low point of their life. Their teacher had died on the cross and even though He has risen from death, He is no longer like last time where the teacher would always be beside his students. Also, even though they went back to their expert area - which is fishing - they couldnt catch any fish. For the entire morning, they tried catching fish but sadly, they caught none at all! Imagine yourself in that state - feeling lost, hungry, and super sian... Then all of a sudden, you know that Jesus is at the seaside waiting for you. And when u reach the seaside, you see Jesus and the prepared food (ok, the focus is not the food). I am sure that the disciples had not had such a good breakfast before. This really smack right at my face. Have been feeling emo (or probably choose to feel emo) and obviously i forgot that He has always been by my side and knows my need (everything - spiritual and physical and studies and everything!). He doesnt simply use words to comfort (which humans always does and obviously its effectivness is close to zero). He uses action to comfort us. Very small yet significant actions to support and guide me through my everyday life. Even though i know it, but its really knowing it as part of my knowledge. But probably this sermon just gave me another tight slap on my face.. and i really hope that this tight slap would wake me up. wake me up from my sins and my own world.

(2) 主日学@佩华老师班 [aka - sunday sch class]
i was pretty dizzy during the start of the sunday sch, so i couldnt get what phls was trying to say during sunday sch. muhahaha... esp when it comes to the background the book ah and blah blah blah... it was a lil boring. BUT the last part (you see, its always the last part which is the most interesting and impactful) lao shi talked about Him being LARGE yet so PERSONAL. He loves us so much that He is willing to be a human being so that He could die for us. Hello! He is like the creator of the world, and yet He is willing to squeeze himself into the tiny heart of mine.

(3) 会员大会 [aka - Annual General Meeting]
its like the first time i am going for agm and even though i have no idea what is happening but i think the sermon is gd. the speakers share about revalations chpt 3 regarding the church of sardis (not sardins ah...) and he reminded us not to be complacent. The church of Sardis is probably one of the most reputable church at that time and many think that this church is very well-established. but from what the Lord had said, its obviously not lah. the church is infested with non-believers who think they are. Probably our church has grown so much but are we able to continue growing without being complacent and self-satisfactory about our progress.

For the past few weeks, the Lord had said so much to me. Shouldnt i do something as well?

i am in love...

2008-05-23T09:13:00.002+08:00

my heart just beat so fast. i just couldnt concentrate. i just kept thinking of it. how? someone save me! haha... i am in love... with music :) probably because i am stress and no one could yet understand my feelings. music does understand how i feel. music is so magical. it could touch the deepest part of my heart and my soul. wah.... i love music! enjoy! my all-time favourite :)

Music is the chalk to the blackboard of life. Without it, everything is a blank slate.

~~Lexi Crater

cheers!

2008-05-20T16:56:00.002+08:00

pls refer to our harmoc website for a larger version:

wat i learn today?

2008-05-18T23:58:00.002+08:00

this is what i learned today during sunday school. just to note it down here so that i could remember :)

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Philippians 4:4 - 13
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

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Today we were told to pick up a verse in which you think impact you the most from this entire passage. I cant! Cos the entire passage just comfort me. This is exactly what i need. Have been really depressed and emo about everything. maybe because i have been snatching my priorities and calender from Him and not letting Him to plan my path for me. It is more than just rejoice, it is rejoice in the Lord. Tat is probably what a christian differs from the others.

Today i got to understand that there is a clear distinction between URGENCY and IMPORTANCE. everything assignment and project seemed urgent to me and throughout my entire j2 life so far, i have been blinded by doing all the urgent things. yes, urgent matters do need us to attend to, but we musnt forget wat is important to us. What is important? My relationship with my family (am i spending quality time with them? or am i just taking them as some machines which i could vent my anger at?), my friends (have i been truthful to them?), my BASICs (have i been caring for them) and Him (have i been spending time with him?). Yes, exams and studies and cca are urgent things in which i need to attend to but my friends, family, basics and Him are even more impt than anything else.

some thoughts... do rmb... ok?

PMS-ing (aka premenstural syndrome)

2008-05-17T23:15:00.004+08:00

Post Number 201
The following piece of information is found (and modified) from wikipedia:-
PMS is a collection of symptoms. More than 200 different symptoms have been identified, but the three most prominent symptoms are irritability, tension, and dysphoria (unhappiness). Other common symptoms are:
Abdominal bloating
Constipation and possible hemorrhoids due to water retention
Abdominal cramps
Stress or anxiety
Aggression
Depression
Appetite changes and food cravings (wah... i feel hungry now)
Trouble falling asleep (insomnia) (impossible - i still enjoy sleeping)
Joint or muscle pain (no lah, i am having my painkillers)
Headache
Fatigue
Acne (haha... i have flawless skin... dont be jealous)
Trouble concentrating (yes! i get distracted easily)

Basically, those in bold are syndromes that i am currently experiencing. argh... guys also have pms??? yes! even old women have pms. for young ppl's context, pms would probably mean to have mood swing and just get frustrated all of a sudden. I am experiencing that!

Especially for the past few days, i could just be super pissed off all of a sudden. even at the most trivial stuff. For a few times, i just yelled at someone and then for most of the time, i just left the lot of people. its terrible but i just couldnt control. ah... pms!

AND i am not the only guy that got pms ok! in my sch, i know of three other male trs who often pms. one of them could go to the extent of leaving the classroom if because one of the student did not bring his physics tys. wat? u might argue that he is a slacker but hehe... i still think that its because of pms. and on monday and friday, my chemistry tr had her pms (she is quite an old woman...) and my class was quite shocked. she just kept suan-ing us and say tat its ok if we forever dont get it. blah...

probably if you see this post, maybe you would like to read on. i just discovered that these are the following words that would cause my emotions to swing towards the angry side. seriously! i would probably be super pissed off when someone say such words:

(1) LOL - dont ask me why? i just think that this word got the smell of sarcasm. I hate it when ppl say or type this word out on tagboards. at least for me, i would choose to say haha... i really think its funny and not lol which i feel pretty irritating.

(2) Chill / relax - have u tried spraying some water a piece of hot metal (probably 200 degree celcius)? What is the reaction? There are mini explosions or you can call them violent sizzlings. this is how those words work when i am super angry. those words are really redundant. wats the pt of telling a person to chill when the person is like super angry. really! if i am able to, i would probably give a tight smack right at the person's face whenever someone say such things to me. PLEASE! dont ever say such words in front of me. NEVER!

Yea! just these three words! i couldnt stand hearing all these rumblings singing in my year. PLEASE! dont say them!

actually wanted to go church for family fellowship today. it was 2:45pm and mum say we should start getting ready to go church at 3pm. all of a sudden, i dont feel like going. why? mini reasons which adds up. maybe its because i dont wanna talk to people. or maybe because i dont wanna see him. maybe i dont wanna see the whole group of people (even though i might not, but u never noe). maybe i was afraid i would waste my time if i dont understand what the sermon is talking about. maybe i might not like the boring discussion after the sermons. maybe... my emotions probably overpowered and made me stayed at home. well, i am still quite happy to say that i am quite productive in my work. manage to finsih 3 math revision worksheet and 1/2 of TJC mid yr paper. yea... i should try to psycho myself with this fact 'I love mugging!' (like how shuqin does)

i am suppose to prepare for the sharing on 31 may and suppose to have rehearsal tmr. BUT its 11:54pm le and i have no idea what to share.... hmmm.... HOW???!!?!?!?!

[i hope i will stop pms-ing. its really tiring]

fyi - i am a healthy happy young boy!

too much pondering makes me feel sick

2008-05-13T23:46:00.003+08:00

200th Post

Things to be discussed in this blog entry:
1) Bloggings - feelings after hopping from blogs to blogs
2) Mdm Ng's Farewell Party
3) Life tmr will AND should be terrible

Rationale for writing this down is because, as the title suggest, too much stuff are just in my brains. I am really tired so all the more i should type it out if not i really would c.m.i!

(1) Bloggings - feelings after hopping from blogs to blogs
Not tagging on your blog does not mean that i am not reading ur blogs. Recently found a few blogs which (gasp...) is supposed to be nameless and clueless but haha... it juz manage to leak out some clues or keywords that make me find ur blog... hahah.... i am so bo liao right, go google search ppl's blog. haha... especially those private ones :) I do enjoy reading such blogs ok, thinking that no one ever knows that ur blog exist but still... hehe... i could still find since its ON THE INTERNET.

Some ppl had sadly closed their blog. Well, i dont noe if its coincidence BUT they all closed their blogs! woohoo! that's wierd. it just come and go like together... probably in a few months ago, this group of young people started to create blogs. its really all of a sudden and wah! see, i am right! time will just show everything! what is the hidden agenda behind creating all these blogs? and since now they are unable to use those blogs as tools, then the shut it off. cowards! a whole bunch of cowards. and i am going to see these whole bunch of cowards and brainless ppl like soon for consecutively few days.

simply hate girls who just go all the way out to cheat guys [similarily, girls would also hate guys who will cheat girl's feelings]. hello! we are talking about gender equality here! guys are always at the disadvantage, they always get blamed for doing things which girls wouldnt get blame if they do so. in my brains now, there are just THREE women which i have already categorise them as 'the cheater bugs'. two of which i see them like almost everyday, and one is whom i see, usually, once or twice a wk. if i am given the authority, i would probably tied them all up and give them a few tight slaps. and the most stupid thing is that there are guys who just fall into the trap (they just remind me to girls who get cheated and was rapped). guys are sometimes just as stupid or innocent as girls...

(2) Mdm Ng's Farewell Party
It was last fri (yea, also the last official practice day for j2). it is a really short farewell party - last for about an hour. there wasnt any great things done for her actually - we played three songs + made a video + gave her lots and lots of presents. yet, she was moved and broke into tears. duh... it has nothing got to do with what we did for her, but its really the bond between harmonica and her. she has been the teacher in-charge for harmoc band since 1996. for 12 years! wat do you expect? i am like in the band for 1.5 yrs and i am already missing it a lot, wat about her!

she is a really really really great teacher in-charge. the band really appreciate every single thing that you have done for us. even though u are like super busy with all ur work, u still take time out and pay us a visit during our practice. u joked with us and encourage us especially when we are super busy with concert. you played such a big role during our sl project. i couldnt imagine myself facing those kids if you hadn't told me how rowdy the kids are. really! even though u wont get to read this (cos u dont noe my blog address) but hope that you will do well in teaching career in another jc and let us keep the harmoc spirit within us 4eva!

[and i will miss the exco as well... shall elaborate more in the next few posts]

(3) Life tmr will and should be terrible
obviously i am not ready for my geog test tmr. i am going to flunk it and probably get the lowest in the whole level. argh... i really didnt prepare so probably, i shall use my common sense to attempt those questions. yes! common sense! according to miss lingzhi, she feels that geog is all about common sense and what she knows are those that are impt (vice versa)... hahah...

its 1am soon and i should go sleep le. jiayou chengxi... just a few more days to wkend
[gasp... gp common test like next wk...]

i really <3 AJHB

2008-05-10T23:57:00.003+08:00

199th Post

after reading some of the member's post, thomas feels very very happy. one thing that the exco hope to achieve within the one yr of our term in office is to help members to develop the sense of belonging to the band. and i am sure that we did it. WOOHOO! when shuqin was giving her thank you speech to members, she was about to cry. yes, indeed, you guys gave us lots of satisfaction and laughter. although it was a difficult job but sometimes, you all are our motivation and make us work even harder. When i was watching the concert video just two days ago, i was so happy. i couldnt believe that we manage to play all the songs so well. we started off grumbling that songs such as hao ri zi and all i ask of you were difficult cos the songs were either too fast or that there were too many sharps. we were the pioneer batch to be so daring to have people arranging songs for the band to play. we were literally thrown to DIY the four songs that were initiated by us. we started concert preparation quite late and confirmed all songs at the later part of term 1 (which is quite slow). BUT! we manage to impress our audience and we were so proud of ourselves. the i AJHB spirit is just within us !

Flipping through the minutes recorded down by our seniors, i was taken aback by the fact that the band had many many problems within members. really! i was shock! how could such things happen? i was shock because it all didnt appear in our band. attandence was never a problem in our band for the past 12 months. we had like 75% of our practices with 100% attandence. we had no problem with conflict between members. even though we seem quite cold and not very united, but there were juz no problem btw members that we need to handle. everyone juz treat each other like, at least, not a potential enemy. we are juz a lot of peaceful bunch of people who enjoys music.

When we were doing our interview for P and VP, the exco and miss ng all agree - we (as in the exco) is super lucky to have you guys as members. probably the exco will screw up if we have the previous batch or the next batch of harmoc members. in another words, the success of the exco is really because of you guys. without you guys, we wouldnt have succeed (hahah.... its the same bunch of words lah, juz to rephrase to make things clearer - to show how impt u guys are).

Now that everything is over. And we probably start to come to realise how impt the band was to us. All of a sudden, i feel so real over this statement (hehe... i am not sure if this statement is supposed to be phrase like that but agar agar can lah...)
人往往要体会到失去的滋味，才能明白拥有的意思.

Yea, previously, coming for practice can be quite a wu liao thing to me, and it seems that seeing and talking to members is like a very normal thing. going home with zirui and the exco is like a weekly practice. but after i waved gdbye to some members yesterday while taking the train, i feel a sense of loss and sadness. because there probably be less or no choice to go home tgt in the future. my heart just hurt. and we all need to get back to studies.

Anyways, all the best for A levels and the way ahead. i am sure that we would continue our love for music and harmonica in the future. maybe we will be like mdm ng who will be the harmoc tr i/c in the next jc. why not? Jiayou people and AJHB <3>

I shall continue another emo post on mdm ng's farewell party. have lots of things to say to her but maybe in the next post. its getting late and i am getting tired

some thoughts as an exco

2008-05-09T00:09:00.003+08:00

198th post
its finally friday! although i havent sleep and havent go to sch but i am already feeling that kind of holiday mood. today is going to be a tiring day. will have bio spa today (yea, i just finished studying the limitations but not the trend and conclusion) and today is mdm ng's farewell party and the due date for all log books (after screaming at so many ppl to submit the documents and me camping in front of the computer for hours). WOOHOO!

today shall be the last day of official practice for j2. from next wk onwards, i will probably have less chance seeing the band again [ok, i am referring to j2]. obviously, i am stepping down soon. one year of rushing and doing lots and lots of stuff for the band [together with my fellow exco]. some obviously because my tr ic want me to do [like the log bk], some really hope to bond the members together so that they will feel proud to be a harmoc members. for the past one yr (especially for the past few months), i feel overjoyed and really happy when i see members enjoying themselves in any harmoc events and the ajhb spirit starts building up. this is espeically true after the harmoc camp in march when i see that the main group of ppl who are working to make the camp possible is the members and two excos. i am happy when i see members getting involved in organising stuff and see how enthu they could be (sometimes, i think that they can probably be a better secretary than i am). BUT! it really hurts when i get to know that some members still doesnt like harmoc despite all the things the exco had done for them for the past months. i really really feel sad cos it seems like my job as an exco member has failed. even if it is just ONE member who thinks like that, i feel tat i have failed. ever since i started to feel more attached to ajhb (ok, mainly because i am an exco and i need to feel attached), i really hope members will feel the same as me. maybe that is one push factor that make me spend lofs of my precious sleeping time on harmoc stuff. even though some work that i do seem insignificant in terms to bringing up the spirit of the band (esp when admin work which is like super dry), i still think that its impt.

even though i still have three more wks before i step down (wahhahahahah...), but tmr is like the final j2 official practice and sadly, i wont be with them as i am down for interviewing j1s. sad... very! i couldnt even bond with any members on wednesday. i am like camping in the library doing the log bk while at the same time, members are enjoying themselves. worse still! i was the one who proposed to have one more bonding session during the last wk of j2 practice and yet i couldnt join in the fun. grumble! but i still feel happy when i see members enjoying themselves [even though the war game ended with a not-a-very gd note due to the really small and hot classroom and the sch attandance who kept screaming at us as he wanna lock the room and go home. yet, i am proud to see most ppl enjoying themselves!

haha... juz get to know who is the next president and vice-president. to the both of them, all the best man! 1 year in office. 1 long and draggy yet fun and fulfilling year! jiayou! and happy working with the exco, music comm and the teacher in-charge [wicked laughter].

need to go and sleep le, its 12:30am.

all the rumblings are singing in my ears

2008-05-05T15:40:00.002+08:00

its finally the end of sch. i am so tired. this is obviously due to monday blues and i dont feel energetic at all to start a brand new wk. also maybe because i know that this wk is going to be really draggy - muz finish up all the log books, chem test tmr and bio spa on fri. geog lesson was quite funny, miss huang sometimes make my day. chem lesson is ok, juz tat i didnt do tat well for pre-spa. shant blog too much. need to go do my work! WOOHOO! (tat sounded so... no energy)

AJ Idols 2008 - I DO Love it! :)

2008-05-03T11:00:00.002+08:00

wah.... aj idols was real fun! i was quite high yesterday, kept shouting and shouting! haha... really enjoyed myself. i think the performance are quite gd (of course there were some exceptions... hehe). almost the whole harmoc band when to support shuqin and sing hun. sing hun's girl band was really really great! sing hun is really so seah lah, the way she played the piano... wahhhaa... so cool! so proud that she is my sectional leader. of course, they won the band category... woohoo! sing hun is so shy when we shouted her name! ok, at least we muz show that we are there mah, if not like very wu liao.

another person we went to support is shu qin (and of course mr odac... neither do we noe him or he noes us) i shant comment much about their singing but i think shuqin did try her best to catch up with the beat and haha... i was quite surpised that she would go on stage and sing in front of everyone cos she dont seem to be like tat kind of ppl leh...

even though concert is over, i am still a secretary and i still have lots and lots of stuff to do. juz completed some ppl's log book. i cannot imagine myself finishing all the log book stuff by this coming friday. i think i am going to die doing it. probably, i might get some one to help me do the printing cos its impossible to finish! didnt go yf today because of this stupid log book thingy... so wu liao lah, why muz do! WAHHHHH... maybe i will dedicate some time everyday to finish them. on friday, we had interview for secretary. so fun! do see some potential ones [i was really worried that there isnt, but i wasnt disappointed after friday's interview]. there shall be no interview for secreatry on wednesday so haha... i shall wait and see who should be the secretary for the o809 harmoc batch! WWWWEEEEEE...

still considering now if i should stay up late to do more log book stuff... its getting pretty bored cos i am like typing the same things over and over and over and over again...

**********************************************

for some great reasons, my mood juz swings from the extreme high (like during aj idol, i was like screaming and shouting and super high) to the extreme low (when i went home with my friends, i juz dont feel like talking, sorry for being so ...) maybe i juz choose to be moody and choose not to change for the better. or maybe tat is the real me who previously juz surpress all these moody feelings deep into my heart. i am confused.

**********************************************

the coming week is going to be super busy. have two test - chem lecture test (all organic topics except nitrogen compounds) and bio spa cd (woohoo! the last spa assessment... finally!) and two harmoc events (j1 and j2 games session and mdm ng's farewell party). and i have to complete all the log book thingy by this wk! haix..... so exhausted. hope that this coming wk will end smoothly! jiayou chengxi! :)

yet another short post

2008-04-27T18:52:00.002+08:00

though i am really busy at the moment but i still muz blog! CONCERT is over!! i dont noe but its really mix feelings. happy cos the last major project is finally over and i could now allocate more time for my studies. but, i juz feel sad cos its a last performance and have to prepare to step down. although for the past few months, the concert has caused me to be stressed up at times, but the process is really enriching. the kind of satisfactory that i get after the whole concert was over is really undescribable (hehee. wrong spelling).

would like to thank the following people which i think really make this concert a success!
- all those who came down and support the band (mum, dad, ruiyun, momo, shujing, siti, huiyi, vivian, xiao ping, zhijun, huiwah, chenchen...)
- the whole band! wah... u guys did a great job. really! appreciate you guys for coming down on 2 saturdays for practice even though i noe its pretty unfair for some of u guys.
- mdm ng and miss ng
- the EXCO! AHHHHHHHH!!! u all juz rocks! <3>

need to go study for chem spa and finish up my bio mindmap! jiayou thomas!

finally, there is something which makes me feel so happy :)

2008-04-11T20:25:00.002+08:00

after weeks and weeks of depression... today is a day where i get so happy. My PW result. Chengxi obtained an A for PW! Can u believe it? Chengxi got A for PW... OMG!!! i didnt believe it! well, i dont noe but i feel bad like almost instantly when i knew that not my whole group get A. it was really really really sad, ok! yuhuai and chen get B while nicole, esther and me get A. why? this is so unfair! everyone put in the same or some even more effort in this proj and why some A and some B. i feel so bad. we said that if we all get A, we will go out and celebrate and if we all get B, we will celebrate in ohana. but we forgot that the case where some ppl get A and some B. this is really bad! hmmm... so i dont noe who to share the joy with. so i think i should blog!

today morn was really a roller coaster kind of feeling. when i log into schbuzz at 10am, my heart was really pumping like ...[dont noe how to describe]. my hands are literally trembling. and the first pg: 2007 A Level Examination Project Work Result - A. OMG! i immediately go find yuhuai and he said that he got A. ah... i starting screaming in front of e computer. my mum was like wat happen... and i soon realise my whole group get A. WOOHOO! this is great... and we even started talking about where to go celebrate [went to details like tmr meet at wat time, nicole, esther and me will go together from sch while yuhuai and chen will juz have to travel a little to amk hub and we celebrate]. i started going around and ask what u get... and i realised that everyone is getting an A grade for PW. ok... the chat room was extremely noisy, everyone is trying to tell each other that the pw result is real when its preety obvious that there is an error in the keying in of the result. i smsed mr phang and he said that wow, its impossible. then, i think he went to check for us and he told me that they made an error and they are trying to re-key in everything. great, ajc is so really really efficient... ahhah... but no choice right... and the chatrm became extremely tense. everyone was literally cursing both the ivle and schbuzz.

then, the actually result was released at 10:35am. and wahla! i discovered that i really got an A. obviously i didnt believe so i tried refreshing the pg [i was really really thinking that they havent update the result cos i knew that its impossible for me to get A for PW] and it didnt change. i tried asking my pw group [yes! all of us were in the same msn chat window]. yuhuai first declared that he got B and i tactlessly typed that i got A. soon, the others replied. B - A - A. there was an awkward silent in the chatroom for a few seconds. nicole broke the silent by saying the huikiow got C. WAT! everyone didnt believe and the chatrm became so noisy again! no one would believe she gettin a C. if its sx, no one would believe but its hk! huh?!?!!? i am not sure if she is going for an appeal.

pw has finally came to an end. the results are out! and we could finally officially declare that our life will never ever touch pw anymore! its really not a subject for me. its a meaningful subject but its too unfair. :(

ok then, i need to continue with my e-learning. i AM behind time... arrrgggghhhh!!

bb!

i should have just shut up!

2008-04-08T22:07:00.002+08:00

i feel utterly betrayed. i just dont wanna talk to any anymore! adults just think that they are able to handle all situations, but no they cant. i am already feeling depressed and now this just hurt me once again. why? i am feeling really sad, feel like crying now. but what can i do? maybe thats the reason why i enjoy sleeping. sleeping could just get me out of this world temperory so that i wont face any trouble.

nothing great happened

2008-04-07T22:41:00.001+08:00

Wow, I couldn’t believe it. I manage to finish my essay and newspaper analysis within 3 hours! Haha... probably because I am more motivated as e-learning day is approaching! WWWWWEEEEEEEEE!!! Don’t really have anything to write. I am feeling a bit better than the previous day, just that I couldn’t stand the bimbo in my class (again!) But what can I do? I am grouped with her and three other people in GP and Geog project group. Haix...

Ok, I shall not spend too much time blogging! Its 10:40pm le and I have one more math tutorial to go. Tmr need to stay back in sch for meeting (sian...) enough of grumbling chengxi! It’s just three more days to a 4-days long break! 

Psalm 103

2008-04-05T15:49:00.002+08:00

Prise the Lord, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits -
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

The Lord words righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.

He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Isreal;
The Lord compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abouding in love.
He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions fromus.
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed,
he remembered that we are dust.
As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field;
the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.
But from everlasting to everlasting
the Lord's love is with those who fear him,
and his rightousness with their children's children -
with those who keep his convenant
and remember to obey his precepts.

The Lord has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.

Praise the Lord, you all angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.
Praise the Lord, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servnts who do his will.
Praise the Lord, all his works
everywhere in his dominion

Praise the Lord, O my soul.
我的心你要称颂耶和华！

depressed

2008-04-05T15:26:00.002+08:00

who cares... no one would wanna listen to me. no one would EVER understand me. why muz i still put on a mask and smile at ppl everyday when i am feeling terrible deep in me. wanna find amos yesterday but he is juz too busy to talk to me. no pt... why should i bother to find ppl... i am so self-centred, forgetting that he is a really busy student.

then wat about me? what am i so troubled about?
- i couldnt get my songs right (especially the two songs - chfil and lian ai-ing)
- i couldnt go backstage well enough to help angeline
- i did badly for all my tests (geog, bio, chem, math and gp)
- i am so bothered about the red bucket study group in church
- i am really worried for my mum's health condition
- i dislike the attitude of my brother.
- i think i am a hypocrite! no, not think. I AM ONE!

i am sorry but i need to stay at home and not see anyone! i dont wanna see anyone around me! I DONT WANT TO! i just feel so sick of myself. i wanna juz shut up and kill myself slowly...

feel quite sad

2008-03-28T17:48:00.002+08:00

Miracle baby Jolene
Two-month-old unscathed in Muar car crash that killed four in her family.
BABY girl Jolene Bong is all alone now, after a horrific crash along Malaysia's North-South Highway yesterday left her an orphan.
The two-month-old survived virtually unscathed after she was flung out of the family car which was wrecked totally in the accident near Muar, Johor.
Her mother, grandmother and two-year-old brother died on the spot. Her father, Mr Bong Kwang Hong, 37, died in hospital.
Nurses at the Tangkak hospital near Muar looked after Jolene until three of her uncles and her paternal grandmother arrived from Singapore. The Bongs lived in a Simei condominium.
Police believe Mr Bong, who runs a travel agency and was driving, lost control of his seven-seater Mitsubishi Grandis which went off the road, crashed into two trees and ripped open.

~The Straits Times 28 March 2008

Why is this so unfair? I was really thinking that this shouldnt happen! of all, why did she survive? why didnt she go with them and be abandoned in this terrible place? when i heard the news like yesterday, i was really shocked and my heart really ache. just remind me of what happened last yr during church camp. really unforgettable. probably another siren to remind myself to treasure those ppl around me especially my parents.

this wk finally ended... and there are a few key events which really make me feel quite happy and side. i shall juz briefly share my joy and sorrow here:

1) New handphone - Nokia 5610 Xpress Music: WOOHOO! My dad rocks! he bought me a new handphone. and its a better one than the previous one. well, i am still adapting to use this new handphone cos it has a lot more new functions and the music player is very gd.. grinz...

2) Bio test: so stress about it for the past few days. after the test ended yesterday, i feel a sign of relief. its really as if i have no more burden. WOOHOO!!!! like i said in the previous post, i think i can pass this test la...

3) Church matters: yesterday had a chat with jellyfish. and brought up issues which i myself couldnt believe that i manage to say it out. wah... although i feel very happy that i found someone who has the same view as me but i regret saying some of the stuff. nvm...

ok, this wkend i need to discipline myself to work hard. things to do:
friday night: normal distribution tutorial
saturday: respiration tutorial (mcq), gp newspaper articles & reading materials
sunday: mug bio. since i am like 1/2 way through, mine as well finish it up. :)

tats all, need to go tag on every other blogs.... see ya!

someone finally agree with wat i say...

2008-03-27T18:11:00.002+08:00

woohoo! bio test is over! i am so very very happy! ahhhhhaaaa, actually i was angry when i saw the paper. how come they dont test all the things that i've studied. crap... basically, all the topics that i've studied all consolidate in one pathetic structured question. argh.... then all the bio molecules, dna and genomics ah... all come up. ok lah, i could vaguely rmb some of the things so i feel better. although i manage to attempt all the questions but still some parts of my essays are incomplete. argh... the tr is so unreasonable! haha... 5 structured questions and 3 essays within 1 hour. haha.... ok lah, i might be weird cos i am laughing. yea, i should be happy cos i think i could pass my bio test! WAHHHHHH!!!

next next next... today's lesson is still quite ok. i didnt get into any trouble and i manage to pay attention to most of my lecture except for gp which is like brain-dead cos its 1.5 hours and the lecturer is damn boring [well, except for mr herd who cracked some cold jokes]. hmmm! and chem lecture too, i was really tired after that 1 hr of cheong-ness.

my ulcer is damn pain. i couldnt even talk much today and my friends teased me that i am exceptionally quiet. although i am like getting lots and lots of water and taking antibiotics but still it doesnt seem to work leh, still very pain. 4 ulcers - 2 on my lips and 2 on my tongue. haha... scary right. so basically for the first time in this yr, i didnt wanna eat much (but the problem is that i still wanna eat... like wat lingzhi says, yf should talk about gluttony as a sin... hurhur).

final thing before i sign off. the study group issue. heeeheee... basically for the past few days, i have been pondering on this issue. i dont noe why but although i've been in youth for a quite some time, i still feel the attachment in tf and tats why i seriously hope that nothing would happen to tf actually. but this has made me really really very very haix.... i think too much probably. but but but!!! today i just found out that shui mu also think so. seems like its not just a personal perception. i am really scared its me being very subjective. at least i can give reasons why i shouldnt feel bad. okok... back to the point. wat i could really think now is really to pray for them. there is nothing i could do. i was thinking of all the things i could do:

1) talk to them? - its not the issue about wheather i can communicate with them about such sensitive issue but whether they are willing to listen. i hate to talk to ppl who dont listen to me. and i do forcast ppl like ht and qi would listen. maybe because i do have the some small life experience and i have a gd 6th sense, i can guess a person's characteristics quite accurately by observing them talking or movement. its pretty obvious that ht and qi are some examples of the more self-centred ppl and they wouldnt care what you would say. ht could even say such things about xmls on the INTERNET. wat the.... i really couldnt imagine what he would say about me if i try talking to them about it. this way cannot make it de... reserve till the very very very last resort...

2) talk to the teachers - cannot [shake head]! i dont want the lao shi and students relationship to strain. and i have no idea what the teachers i thinking. they probably think that this isnt a big issue cos they didnt read what they wrote on the blogs. or even some are not even aware of it. although trs might handle stuff in a more mature way but still, i dont think its very very gd. i would put this as my last 2nd resort.

presently, these are ways in which how a normal human being would handle this issue. but none of these ways work. ok... other than writing it on my blog (yeah, no one would ever ever read it unless special permission xD ) which doesnt really solve the problem. tell God loh... haha!!! tats the only way. no other ways! :( its not as if chengxi is mature enough to handle such stuff. if this happens in sch, i would probably be the 1st one to run away. but this is church and this is tf. i cannot just watch them get into trouble. hurhur... ironically, tats all i could do, tell Him and let time judge whether i am right about them. no point of pondering about it cos its really really useless. it really hurts my heart when i heard of such things but i knew that i cannot just let myself continue to sink into this. need to help them! pray! tell Him everything i think! it will probably work (nono, it WILL work).

was quite sad when i saw shui mu's blog. didnt noe that such an issue would cause so much ripple effects. i hope i could help her with a short msn conversation (haha... how can it be short... need to talk to her about such messy issue). hope that she will be able to help them as well ! :)

i need to go le and finish my bio evolution 2 tutorial.

jiayou chengxi!

mixed feelings again

2008-03-22T22:28:00.003+08:00

i feel quite complex at this very moment. i have no idea why i am feeling so. all i could do is to fill me up with a dose of nice music. i just dont wanna face all the problems that i am having now. i have no idea why i am sitting in front of my computer still blogging. hello chengxi, i am having a test like on monday and wednesday and obviously i have no time to study. and what am i doing. ARGH... i really hate this!

i dont noe whether i am jumping conclusion but sometimes i knew that i shouldnt be thinking like tat. its not as if i am the right person to judge but still, i just couldnt help doing so. i was disappointed when rixi was late for yf today when he was supposed to be the pianist. well, he has a reasonable reason why he was late - because of tuition but i just couldnt stop having the idea of this 'this is simply an excuse. you could have told ur tr that u are going for yf @ paya lebar which is far far away, so can u pls let me go off early'. as in he doesnt really have a want to go for yf punctually. ARGH... wat kind of assumption is that. rixi probably has his own problem but yea, i really wasnt happy about it. and he doesnt even know that he is the pianist for today! wat!

screw, my blog playlist is not working! ARGH...

today i shared things that i shouldnt share. why would i share this. as in some people just wouldnt understand. they think that their chunk of theory would fit into other people's case. its extremely personal stuff and i dont think that anyone has the right to go and give comments about it. its not as if i didnt try! hello! i have heard all these b4 but i just couldnt do it. great, and hong en just arrowed all of us by saying that we shouldnt have choose such a heong cca. hello! i really dont get wats the pt of u saying that. seriously, who are you to say such a thing? we learn things that you dont learn in your textbk and we really learn how to get a life. we learn how to manage our time properly. and we ARE able to balance our study and cca for the time being right. i was quite angry about it. wats the purpose of you saying it..???

tats the negative side of my feeling now. MIXED. of course, the positive side. tats what i feel for todays fellowship! i really learn a lot.

Galatians 6:17 - Finally, let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus.
Isn't it great if NO ONE would cause me trouble! I really wanna declare to the world that i belong to Him and only Him. i wanna declare tat to everyone! how i wish i could and immediately leave this world. i knew that i dont belong here but i need to stay in such a crappy place where temptations is like every seconds and i hate it!

Philippians 2:13 - for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
yep, watever God has started, he wont just leave us there and die. i must ask him for the will to desire God and to love him. What if i dont desire for God? yea, i think i am in this stage. i dont desire Him at all. although i still talk to him at TIMES. but i dont have the desire! wat an abnormal christian! must ask him tonight!

Tats all my sharing so far. i shall go sleep! tmr is sunday! WOOHOO!

argh... gp!

2008-03-17T23:02:00.003+08:00

hi bloggy! i dont noe why but i really dont feel like starting sch. the term started with a terrible note. i thought i will miss my train so i ran and when i reach the station, i soon found out that the train today pulled out from je 3 mins later than usual and i ended up waiting for the train for 4 minutes. argh...

wats more, i didnt finish my directed reading package and i have no idea what miss koh is going to say about my incomplete homework. she nearly scolded me today for not handling my long due newspaper assignment which i manage to rush through just now.

i think gp is fun. i dont mind doing 10000 essays but i really hate compre. maybe i am really bad at comprehending what ppl wanna say and hence, always fail compre. and obviously, since young, i hate reading and unpackaging texts. now that i am in jc, i tot this mindset would change. obviously not! i still dislike the reading and compre. but i really really love writing essays. maybe because i just want ppl to hear what i think and how to see a particular issue. i might not be able to come up with those mature kind of claims, neither am i able to churn out a few lines of simple yet accurate evaluation. but i still love essays! but not compre. i just dislike the idea of paraphasing (esp when i have a really really limited vocab bank in my brains) and doing summary. i dont understand! :(

many things i need to do this wk. cca, church and studies. i hate when all these three just come crashing in my face. everything needs my time and i only have 24 hours like everyone! and esp when i need to give myself own time, blah, tat would be worse! bio test! i heard that its this wk! wat a cruel thing to do. i didnt noe that the test would be this wk. great, anything! its not as if we students could protest. trs would just give you the snappy remarks like 'this is how jc life is all abt, its worse in uni' or 'time mgt!'

enough naggy and obviously i am really really tired! so tired! tmr 1 hour of gp! argh... i will probably get lots and lots of scolding :(

this is wat i've told hong en a few seconds ago wat i will be experiencing for this coming wk:
church - need to call some ppl to confirm if they r going to pei hua lao shi's house this sat. calling need time de...
cca - j1 cca registration. i need to do up a list of j1s who are joining my cca and key into sch system + confirming cca schedule on saturday + exco election
studies - my tr told us today that there is a bio lecture test on either wed or thurs. and the topics tested are like DAMN BIG. we spend like 8-10 lectures of each of those topics - genetic variation and another, evolution. blah... we are all quite pissed off. tmr i have math test and my tr told us like today. on vector (planes) + probability. argh... i am going to fail. and gp. many many many readings to do and essay tests and corrections

Harmoc Day Camp

2008-03-15T18:57:00.005+08:00

For some reasons, i am not doing ANYTHING today. I MUST do SOMETHING. at least finish up bio tutorial 2 mcq and read the gp articles. argh...

anyway, yesterday's harmoc day camp was extremely fun. i enjoyed myself although i didnt play the game :( and i am very sure that the members enjoyed themselves. i dont noe why but i just feel very happy when i see the members bond together. of course, if ms ng wouldnt have interfere in the planning of the camp, i am more sure that the games would be much more interesting and everyone would enjoy ourselves more.

ok, i shall upload some pics to THIS website although i spend hours doing so in the harmoc blog. yea, the harmoc blog has awakened! WOOHOO! http://www.a-j-h-b.blogspot.com/

wah... so long never blog le

2008-03-12T12:05:00.002+08:00

i almost forgot that i have a blog... not really lah, but still its been a really long time since i blog. many things have happened for the past few weeks and its probably impossible for me to jot down in this entry. obviously, those that i wanna blog about are those i wanna rmb until this blog needs to be removed. :(

first stop - MY HANDPHONE! i declared a cold war for two days as mum didnt want me to have a new handphone. well, i am still very angry about it, but no choice right, i just couldnt because of this i dont talk to my mum right. but i dont see wats wrong with me leh, as in its me whose phone is kana stolen and now, i couldnt have a new handphone. i'm the one that should feel damn sad and not you mah, i didnt even use a single cent to buy a new handphone. and i need to use such a sucky model for a few yrs. crap... thinking of the new old handphone, all i like about it is tat it has a really cool game called 'bounce'. i enjoy playing bounce and soon, i need to learn from sheng wei the cheatcodes in bounce. MUST LEARN SO THAT I COULD GET LEVEL UP.

secondly, church teens camp. ARGH... sadly, i couldnt go for the camp. really sad loh, but i could probably get the essence of the camp from some ppl's sharing. of course, many silly things happened to the camp as usual. this one get together with that one and that one like this one. all the silly teens joke. obviously, i have no idea how to help these group of teens. really want to cos i understand how they feel. and cos i have experienced such things b4. even till NOW! but what can i do? got this from zixin's blog who also made an acknowledgment that this is from pei hua lao shi's slide.

If we don't battle sin, it will battle us.
Give sin an inch and it will go a mile.
And all these, makes us so vulnerable that it draws us away from God very easily.

its not as if i never heard such a thing b4 but do i ever every put this in my heart? a place where i am the only one that dominates and leave so little space for Him to live? i am feeling really exhausted for doing such idiotic thing.

the third and final thing - i got an A for chinese a level paper. wahahahaha... although its like useless but i just give me a red light for the studying of chinese. i no need to study chinese for the rest of my life! WHALA! but i was pretty shocked when i knew that hong en and huiyi got a B for chinese. hmmm... but chinese not impt so hehe... nvm lah, pls dont think of retaking. it's simply too waste of time.

i need to finish up my tutorial although i am feeling really really sick! literally sick ok! till then, see ya!

left

2008-02-24T23:32:00.002+08:00

today is the day that she is leaving us for australia. after waiting for one yr, the day has finally arrived. although didnt get the chance to say bye to her in the airport, but yea, will still miss her as a great co-worker.

sch starts again and there is math lecture test. i am pretty stressed about it but obviously i am not doing much... :(

bad miss ng

2008-02-20T20:35:00.004+08:00

i really hate my harmoc tr nowadays! i really dont know what is wrong with her.. how could she say such things to ramya who is having difficulty in coping with harmoc stuff. as in even if ramya has problem, i think its seriously unfair if she quits harmoc in the 2nd yr at this pt of time. all the things that she has done will be equal to ZERO if she were to quit now. why? i just feel extremely angry in my heart. just dont noe how to deal with this anger? i dont think this feeling would cease even after i publish my post.

there is gp lecture test tmr and probably i will do badly, obviously i havent been putting much effort in my subjects lately. although i said that i'm going to do less in harmoc, but still, i feel quite stressed up by everything. i just feel pissed off with the very minor thing that happen around me and i just become a simple FREAK if i dont like something. i hate this but i have no choice.

lippy and youying is just a ideal couple! i feel like a light bulb today.. super bright. couldnt understand both of them. as in they knew that they werent having any affair, but they make it so obvious that they ARE together. Why? as in why must they like get so close together... too close i have to admit (even from a guy's pt of view). today was worse when lippy just left with youying and leaving me in the canteen. although i was quite angry about it but still, what could i do? haix... if yuhuai is in sch, that would be so much better.. :(

it was SUPER boring

2008-02-17T21:25:00.002+08:00

i think it was really really boring! i really pity jieyu as she need to sit down there and go through the whole process - from listening to one person to another person's advice. 2 hours of lecture that has nothing to do with me, nothing that relates with me. couldnt understand why the teachers just LOVE to enjoy yacking and yacking throughout the whole session. not only teachers, xing ying also! eversince she came back from australia, she become so naggy and she could simply talk non-stop for 15 minutes just about her, herself and she in australia and ends her sharing with 'sorry for taking up so much time'. great! she is leaving soon so yea...

ok, shall miss this wonderful sister in christ. haha... she is so funny when she talk cos everyone noes she speak very softly so only they would quieten down when she talks while lingzhi and me would just scream but still, no one seems to be able to listen to what we says.

this wk is going to be another hectic wk but i am determined to complete all my tutorials and study for tests that are upcoming (chem and math). sian... although i am quite stressed about it but still, it just means that holiday is coming soon!

sad, couldnt go for teens camp. must be full time... why??? so unfair!

pretty worried for my mum who is like quite ill recently. dont noe what is on her head actually. today approached some help from some aunties so maybe this might help her... I HOPE!

for tuesday, we'll be using the fri timetable

2008-02-12T17:29:00.000+08:00

haha... so wonderful! sch ended quite early today! finally! 1:45pm. thanks for mr ang who dismiss us 1 hour early from lesson (as usual). for some reason, my bio tr has been getting from bad to worse, obviously he has no idea how to TEACH! alright, to be fair, he teaches, but he teach all the simple concept and the not-so-impt things in the lecture notes. as for all the impt things such as, for instance, epistasis in genetic variation, he says its easy then he dont care! wat! how can he do tat? can he like be a bit more hardworking bearing in mind that we are 'depending' him to score As for bio in A level! sian... i think i need to put in EXTRA effort to study bio.

chinese lesson was super useless! watch some old movie showing a boy who is quite muscular and tanned, looking extremely spastic in front of the camera. but its ok, the movie is like ending on thursday and we were told that next monday we need to get into groups and discuss about what we learn from the movie. i bet we need to present in front of the LT! gasp.. i will cry!

i was pissed with malikka and chen yesterday. dont wanna elaborate here but still i am not happy even through its like the next day le. are gals really so weird? anyway, hehe... i shall be a bit more enthu in getting my seats for tutorial class next time :o)

great... my holiday is over!

2008-02-10T17:08:00.001+08:00

its really fast! my chinese new yr holiday is over and i am still doing nothing! shall study chem spa at night... then now how? do wat? should i do bio or gp? still thinking...

wonder if anyone would be going to send jieyu off on the following wk? it would be pretty weird if i am the only one going. grinz...

chinese new yr (2nd day)

2008-02-08T20:40:00.000+08:00

yea! i packed my very very messy stuff and now things are more organised! i am happy about it! previously, i had 3 stacks of papers and files and bks around the house, now, they are all back to where they are suppose to be. tats wonderful.

tmr going to yuexi's house, i am quite excited about it. i wonderful wat crappy thing we are going to do and wat lame stuff we are going to share tmr... hehe... the last time i went yuexi's house was really a long long time, and i heard that their house got renovation so i am anticipating tmr's trip. but i was really disappointed when i learnt that i need to go to my yi pao house in the morning b4 rushing to habourfront with an empty stomach. why muz it be in the morning and not the night? come to think of it now, it doesnt really really matter, cos i can study when i come back home in the late afternoon.

couldnt stand my bro for saying of the wow stuff to me regarding my handphone incident. i am pretty upset regarding what happen and he says all the negative things like 'the person will never return the handphone' blah blah blah... he has been extremely irritating since yesterday. dont understand what's wrong with him, either he is extremely blur or he just say the wrong thing at the wrong time. always think that he is right and he is often very defensive of what he has done.

i shall do my homework now, cos i havent started on any work since wednesday... till then, see ya!

[Gasp... chem spa is next monday and i havent study yet... mug thomas mug!]

Additional things which i forgot to add in just now... hehe:
just knew that shan yan lao shi is coming back to singapore. its been 5 yrs and its been a really really long time. time pass so fast and now they are coming back. to be really frank, i am not very excited, on the other hand, i am checking out the new changes that are about to appear in our church. would our pastor accept him? vice versa. would they continue to stay in singapore? would they be in singapore but not serving in this church? i wonder what feng bo would there be when huai tian and huai en come back and join tf. ponder... i couldnt stand the kind of ego that huai tian has b4 they left for america, he thinks he is smart and everything. back from america! worse, i think he would just think that he is much superior with the american accent... i dont noe, i am probably thinking too much... the answer will reveal in just a few wks time. jieyu is leaving for australia soon, chengxi will miss her, very!